This is a part of a special FLTP Blog Series, that follows Two Fearless Living Training Program students as they documented their journey going through the program each week. Laurie Weaver created the beautiful images and Juile Panhke Nelson wrote about her experience, both inspired by each week while in the FLTP program.
FLTP Week 5 – Wheel of Fear
Julie Jahnke Nelson – Guest Blogger
Who, me? Incompetent?
This has been the hardest thing to write about so far – my Wheel of Fear. I’ve felt so much resistance thinking about my trigger and what to write about. I know fear is trying to keep me safe, but I also know I need to own it, and I want to put it out there. So I’m just going to say it right here, right now, “I’m afraid of being seen as incompetent.” My fear has been trying to keep me safe by telling me if I step outside of my comfort zone, I‘ll prove that I’m incompetent. Because of this, it has stopped me from doing the things I really want to do, for example, writing. (As a matter of fact, it’s trying to tell me that right now!)
For some reason when it came to writing, something was always blocking me, but I didn’t know what. I bought books about writing, took classes, and dreamed about it all the time. I did just about everything, but actually write. Whenever I wanted to write, my next thought would be, “I better read up on that a little bit more first.” Or, if I’d get an idea for an article, I’d think, “Well, it probably won’t pan out anyway.” I’d do a little writing here and there, but I was never able to finish anything.
But guess what I found out? I am NOT my Wheel of Fear, which means I am NOT incompetent! What a relief to finally realize what was blocking me, and to know that I’m not incompetent! When I actually stop to think about what I’ve accomplished in my life, I realize I’m not incompetent. I’m actually very competent. Fear is just using experiences from my past to keep me from feeling that way again, because it didn’t feel very good at the time.
Once I realized I was afraid of being seen as incompetent, my eyes were opened to why I couldn’t move forward with writing. Now every time I’m blocked, I’m able to tell myself that I’m not incompetent, and I can move past it. It’s such a great feeling. I simply pause, acknowledge it, remind myself that I’m not incompetent, and then I’m able to move forward (and write!). Fear is sneaky, but now I know better.
Who, me? Incompetent? No way!
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