This is a part of a special FLTP Blog Series, that follows Two Fearless Living Training Program students as they documented their journey going through the program each week. Laurie Weaver created the beautiful images and Juile Panhke Nelson wrote about her experience, both inspired by each week while in the FLTP program.
Week 4 – Peace of Mind
Guest Blog – Julie Jahnke Nelson
Beating myself up is a real bummer
This week I’m really struggling with beating myself up – about my weight, my age, my clothes, my hair – so many insecurities. I’m constantly comparing myself to others. Everything seems magnified lately, and it has really gotten me down. I need to remind myself about what Rhonda said,
“When you’re doing the Fearless Living work, and you’re in the middle of it, in the trenches with fear, all those things that have been hidden underneath, things you’ve been trying to stuff down, are going to come up to get cleaned up. It’s probably going to get bad right now, because you know what freedom wants you to do? It wants you to decide. How painful does it have to get before you decide, ‘I am enough?’ How bad does it have to get for you to decide to choose you, to decide not to look outside of yourself? To stop comparing. You can beat yourself up or love yourself. And this is a call for love.”
Wow! Talk about hitting home with me. I do feel all of these things I’ve been trying to stuff down for so long starting to come to the surface. And it’s not pretty. But I know it’s necessary in order to grow. I realize I have some work to do, but at least I know there are better days ahead. I need to switch my negative self-talk to acknowledging the positive things about myself. Yep, I need to stop hating on myself and start loving myself for who I am. I need to choose ME. To love ME. To decide, “I AM ENOUGH!”
Acknowledging myself is the bomb!
I’ve already noticed a positive shift with my writing since I started doing acknowledgements. I guess I didn’t realize how much I was putting myself down when it comes to pursuing my dream of writing. I thought I was motivating myself, but it only made things worse. I was actually demotivating myself. By constantly comparing myself to other writers, I couldn’t get motivated to take a leap of faith and pursue my dream. I convinced myself that I’m not good enough.
Now that I’m more aware, instead of telling myself, “I should have done this a long time ago,” or “I’ll never be as good as ‘fill in the blank with the current number one NY Times best -selling author,” I’m giving myself credit when I take action towards my goal, even it’s something small. Instead of waiting until I complete something huge like finishing an entire article, I’m starting to recognize myself for the baby steps I’m taking. And that’s motivating me to take the next step. It feels good to give myself credit and acknowledge myself. I can tell that my confidence is growing, and I’m so excited about the possibilities!!
Links to FLTP Blog Series: