The Top 10 Emotional Fears: Which Do You Relate to Most?

From Fear to Freedom

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Over decades of learning how to crack the secret code to fear and working closely with my wonderfully brave and beautiful clients, I’ve determined there are 10 emotional fears that keep us stuck on the Wheel of Fear. 

You might relate to all of them, or one may stand out more than others. It depends on your history, past traumas, and where you are currently on your journey to live the life your soul intended.™

In this guide, I’ll break down the top 10 emotional fears that could be running your life without you knowing it. 

What Are Emotional Fears?

There are so many different kinds of fear. There are tangible, everyday fears, such as not being able to pay the bills. There are common, simple fears, like creepy-crawly insects, public speaking, heights, and the like. And then there are more abstract fears, which are what I like to call emotional fears. These are the fears that limit you most, as they are usually buried in the deepest layers of your subconscious. 

Emotional fears are the stubborn, unrelenting fears that penetrate deep into the heart of your humanity and mental health. They color your decisions without you even knowing, leading you away from vulnerable, fulfilling relationships, healthy habits, and your deepest dreams and goals for the future. 

In other words, emotional fears keep you from living the life your soul intended.™

The 10 most common emotional fears are:

• Fear of Failure
• Fear of Success
• Fear of Intimacy
• Fear of Loneliness
• Fear of Loss
• Fear of the Unknown
• Fear of Change
• Fear of Being Judged
• Fear of Rejection
• Fear of Not Being Good Enough

And the thing about emotional fears? You may not even recognize the feeling as fear because emotional fears are often unconscious, which makes them all the more insidious. 

You may just think, “I don’t like traveling or trying new things—it’s just not me,” or, “I don’t need anyone; I’m stronger on my own,” or, “I just don’t like to dance. It’s not me.”

But let’s be honest. Do you really not enjoy music and moving around to the beat, or are you afraid that someone will poke fun at your dance moves? Do you really hate traveling, or are you afraid to fly? Do you really believe you don’t need any friends or close relationships, or are you afraid of opening up and being vulnerable with someone who could potentially reject you?

Your emotional fears are often connected to certain core beliefs you developed in the past. At the time, they may have protected you from a perceived threat. Today, they’re likely limiting your potential and kickstarting your super stressful fight-or-flight mode, even when you’re not in any real danger.

While these fears may have once kept you safe, they are now keeping you stuck. You outgrew your past circumstances—but your emotional fears stayed the same! 

For example, let’s say, like so many of us, you were bullied in grade school. In order to avoid the ridicule of your bullies, you stayed as quiet and small as possible so as not to attract any attention. Over time, you got used to being on the outside looking in and the social anxiety that comes with it. 

Now let’s jump forward 20 years and say you’re now a well-respected manager at a successful company where business is booming. However, because of your deeply rooted fear, you dismiss the compliments given to you by your coworkers. Because of your past, you see each coworker as a potential bully, which prevents you from opening up and building real connections, ultimately causing you to miss out on amazing social and professional opportunities.

Holding on to your emotional fears doesn't protect you from danger. Instead, it makes you see threats where there are none, keeping you in a prison of fear and self-doubt. 

While all of us experience a range of emotional fears, there’s often one or two that really stick out. 

Let’s break each of these emotional fears down further. As you read each one, consider which ones you relate to most. Which ones make you go: “Yep, for sure—that’s definitely me!”

Fear of Failure

Let’s start with the fear of failure. 

Fear of failure is one of the most common fears we experience. At its most powerful, it can keep you from believing you’re capable of achieving success at all.

So, so, SO many of us are intimately familiar with this fear, but we may not know it. 

Can you relate to the following? 

• Do you filter every opportunity through the lens of avoiding failure? 
• Do you only think about negative consequences or the worst case scenario? 
• If something doesn't work out, do you make it a character flaw? 
• Do you believe that your success and accomplishments determine your value? 
• Do you engage in negative self-talk and use phrases like “I’ll never be able to…”? 
• After a single failure, do you believe that you will never succeed? 
• Do you avoid trying new things or participating in new experiences because you might fail? 
• Do you tell other people you probably won’t succeed to lower their expectations of your own abilities?

And the big one: Are you more driven to AVOID failure than you are DRIVEN to succeed?

If you can relate to any of the above, it means a fear of failure is unconsciously pulling your strings. This fear constantly convinces you that you “shouldn’t” take that risk for very good reasons. 

Fear of failure plays into the fantasy that there is a formula to success, and all you need to do is wait for the miracle to be revealed. It tells you that you must wait before you act because there’s a secret that will come to you when you are more prepared, skilled, fit, pretty, more (insert any excuse here). 

Fear of failure takes control when you allow that fear to stop you from doing the things that could move you forward to achieve your dreams, desires, and intentions.

The thing is, failure is necessary. There are things you can only learn or gain from the experience of failure.

So, is a fear of failure unconsciously sabotaging your success? 

To learn how to overcome Fear of Failure, read my full guide: How to Overcome Your Fear of Failure.

Fear of Success

Beautiful african woman happy and excited celebrating victory expressing big success, power, energy and positive emotions. Celebrates new job joyful, outdoor

Fear of success is a tough one to explain because, on the surface, it doesn’t make much sense. After all, how could anyone be afraid of success? 

Doesn’t everyone want success? 

Yes—of course we do! The trouble with a fear of success is we jump ahead several steps until we’re in a perpetual state of fantasy. It creates an overestimation of our skills, making us arrogant and stripping away our self-awareness. 

For example, let’s say you want to write a book. You fantasize that it will be a big hit, putting you on the New York Times bestseller list. Overnight, you’ll be a household name. You’ll be on talk shows. People will want your autograph. You won’t be able to walk down the street without being recognized… Yikes! 

What if you say the wrong thing? You could be canceled! And even if you say all the right things, you’ll have to follow up your success with another book… and then another one. Is that what you really want? 

In this fantasy scenario, you’ve jumped so far into the future that all you can think of is what will go wrong if you’re successful. You get so lost in fantasy land that you don’t actually put in any work toward your goal. 

Instead, you feel guilty about how your success could impact your friends and family. What if your success changes you? What if you can’t go to your favorite coffee shop anymore because you’ll be mobbed by adoring fans? 

And you haven’t even written a single sentence!!

I encourage you to ask yourself the following: 

• Do you often get lost in fantasy land? 
• Do you struggle with self-awareness? 
• Do you worry that pursuing success makes you selfish? 
• Do you worry that if you’re successful, you won’t be able to trust anyone ever again because they could just be after your money or status? 
• Are you scared that success will mean you’re alone forever? 
• Are you afraid to leave a job you hate because you’ve already invested so much time into it? 
• Have you ever felt pressured to pursue someone else’s dream and idea of success, so much so that you unconsciously sabotage that success? 
• Do you think you can’t be both successful and authentically you? 

A fear of success gives us an inflated sense of our skills and prevents us from making any progress. 

Success depends on hard work. You need to grow and learn by putting in the work every day and dusting yourself off when things don’t go as planned. 

A fear of success keeps you trapped in fantasy land. But it doesn’t have to! Learn How to Overcome Your Fear of Success. 

Fear of Intimacy

Intimacy is something we all ache for. We all yearn to be understood, accepted, and loved for who we are. 

However, in order to form an intimate connection with someone, you must first be vulnerable. You must be open. This means risking your pride. It means admitting you’re not perfect. It means saying you need help. It means risking being rejected, betrayed, or abandoned. Is the potential reward of deepening your connection with someone worth losing them? 

And friends, all of those things are difficult.

Does the fear of being hurt, betrayed, or abandoned prevent you from receiving the love you crave? (The love that we all, as humans, crave.) 

Are you someone who is afraid of intimate relationships?

Ask yourself: 

• Do you push people away who try to get too close?
• Do you end close relationships before they become serious?
• Do you have low self-esteem when it comes to romantic relationships?
• Do you avoid physical contact, even from those you are close to?
• Do you view social and personal relationships as a chore?
• Do you struggle to find intimacy with a partner you have been with for many years? 
• Do you have a hard time sharing extreme emotions with others?

Be honest with yourself. Do you relate to any of the above? 

Regardless of where you are on your current path, intimacy is always a work in progress. Becoming intimate with yourself and other human beings is all about opening your heart and BEING VULNERABLE—over and over and over again. 

Learn how to confront this fear with my guide: How to Overcome Your Fear of Intimacy. 

Fear of Loneliness

Loneliness is something every single human being experiences. I get lonely. You get lonely. Dogs get lonely! In fact, at least every two weeks, 25% of people experience painful loneliness, and that percentage is even higher for teens and adolescents.

We all get lonely. However, do you fear being lonely? Are you scared to be alone? Do you ignore your own boundaries and wellbeing to stay with someone who doesn’t treat you well because at least you’re not on your own? 

Let’s see if you relate to any of the following:

• Do you use social media as a substitute for connection?
• Are you in toxic relationships with dishonest, untrustworthy people?
• In order to avoid being alone, do you accept emotional or physical abuse?
• Do you excuse the inappropriate behavior of others to keep yourself from being alone?
• Do you get involved with unsuitable partners whose values do not align with your own?
• Do you experience overwhelming feelings of isolation and emptiness?
• Do you make long-term decisions that are based on getting acceptance or approval from others?
• Do you experience anxiety attacks when you feel alone?
• Do you feel extremely needy around others?
• Do you agree to do things that’s against who you are just to stay connected?
• Do you find yourself bitter, jealous, or resentful (especially when looking at others on social media)?
• Do you feel disconnected, alienated, or cut off from others even when you’re in the room with them?

Friends, I want you to remember that a fear of loneliness and being alone is natural. After all, we all want to belong—it’s in our very DNA, passed down from our hunter-gatherer human ancestors who depended on each other, on the tribe, for survival. 

Belonging means you’re safe, whereas being alone means you’re in danger. You’re a much easier target if you’re alone! 

While natural, a fear of loneliness can lead us to make decisions that, ultimately, end up hurting us. The more we do exactly what other people want to avoid being alone, the more embarrassed and ashamed we feel. 

Fortunately, your fear of loneliness doesn’t need to define you any longer. Learn How to Overcome Your Fear of Loneliness. 

Fear of Loss

Loss is something we have all experienced, regardless of our age. Loss is painful, and it’s natural to fear something that can cause us so much pain. 

But a fear of loss goes far beyond a fear that our loved ones will die. This fear can overcome our decision making and hold us back from pursuing our dreams because we fear all of the little things we might come to lose if we make a change.

These are the top symptoms of the fear of loss. Do any of these resonate with you?

• You are overwhelmingly concerned about someone you love.
• You have anxiety about your future.
• You are worried about making the right decisions.
• You have nightmares about loss.
• You doubt your resilience.
• You feel like it's the end of the world if something goes wrong.
• You say “yes” just so you don’t miss out.
• You often buy things “just in case.”
• You buy things you don’t need or want.
• You get attached to belongings, people, and situations.
• You want things to stay the same and are nostalgic for the past.
• You agree with others so that you won’t lose them.
• You cannot lose control.
• You’d rather avoid loss than experience a future gain.
• You’re not sure you’re good enough.

Fear of loss signals an attachment to something—a person, job, object, lifestyle, or so on—that is at risk of being lost.

Fear of loss can leave you paralyzed and incapable of taking action. Even though you know what you want, you don’t act because getting what you want could cause you to lose out in another aspect of your life. Or you may avoid getting what you want entirely because you fear if you get it, you will one day lose it. 

You don’t pursue that dream job because you may lose it. So, you don’t get the job. You don’t pursue a romantic relationship because you’re afraid it will one day end… which prevents you from finding love in the first place. 

You don’t reach for what you want because you could lose it. It’s better for your dream to live in your imagination, as a dream unattempted is still a dream, instead of an attempt that fell short.

That's how seductive and tricky fear is. It makes you think dreaming is better than working for what you truly want. 

Fear of loss is so, so, SO strong. It’s so strong that studies have shown the impact of losing something is twice as powerful as the impact of gaining something.

We often make poor decisions to avoid loss. We buy things we don't need. We live in homes we don't like. We stay in relationships that aren't working. We stay in jobs we hate. We don’t invest in ourselves because we are afraid of losing money.

But here’s the thing: Fear of loss keeps us from making any progress in life.

Is a fear of loss holding you back? Learn How to Overcome Your Fear of Loss. 

Fear of the Unknown

A fear of the unknown is something we’re all intimately familiar with. After all, the unknown is all around us and plays a major role in our lives. 

We don’t know what will happen tomorrow, in a few hours, or even in the next ten minutes. We don’t even know for certain what the weather will be like or what we’ll be eating. Sure, you planned a picnic because it was sunny, but you can see clouds on the horizon. Should you just get pizza? What if the pizza’s no good or the delivery person loses their way? How can you make a decision without all of the information?! 

It’s all a great big unknown, which means the fear of the unknown is all the more potent. Everyone is afraid of the unknown to some degree because what we don’t know could hurt us. 

As this fear builds, it can prevent you from taking risks and trying new things, keeping you stuck in the same pattern, seeing the same people, eating the same foods, and avoiding everything unknown. Over time, and without you even realizing it, a fear of the unknown could result in you developing biases against other people or groups. 

According to neuroscience, our brains are constantly trying to make predictions about the future to keep us safe. This troubleshooting stems from our innate human instinct to survive. Your brain wants to understand, name, and predict as much as possible. When it can’t do that, fear blossoms like a poisonous flower. Whenever the unknown presents itself, your brain goes: “I don’t know, so it’s probably unsafe!”

Your brain is trained to fear the unknown because the unknown could kill you. For hundreds of years before modern society, this natural human response is how we protected ourselves! 

However, while most of the unknowns we face today aren’t life or death situations, our brains still respond to them the same way. Any unknown is potentially life-threatening. Is leading a presentation during a meeting as dangerous as diving into shark-infested water? Of course not—but just try telling that to your brain! 

As beautifully unique as we all are, we’re still human. We are all afraid of the unknown to some extent, and all of us have brains that are trying to navigate the future to the best of their ability.

But knowing we all have this natural fear response isn’t enough. What can you do to navigate your fear of the unknown?

I’m glad you asked! Learn How to Overcome Your Fear of the Unknown.

Fear of Change

Change is constant and all around us. Everyone and everything changes. Seasons change, our bodies change, our children grow up, water freezes and turns to ice and ice melts and turns to water. 

But friends, as I’m sure you know, that doesn’t make change easy! So, why is it so hard to accept change when it’s everywhere around us? 

So much about fearing change comes down to not trusting ourselves. We don’t trust the signals we receive from our body, we don’t trust our feelings, and we don’t trust our ability to make good decisions. We’ve been taught by so many people—the people who love us and want to protect us—not to trust ourselves or our intuition. 

Plus, change comes with so many unknowns. If you decide to make a change, what will the result be? Will you fail? Will people judge you? If you are successful beyond your wildest dreams, will success change you, or will it change the people around you? Will your friends and family still love you? Is the change even worth it? 

Fear of change comes down to this:

• We don’t know how to trust ourselves.
• We don’t know if we will win.
• We don’t know if we will get results.
• We don’t know if people will approve.
• We don’t know HOW to change.

It’s also important to keep in mind that these changes may not be big ones, such as deciding to have children or switching careers. They could be small changes, like switching from coffee to tea, from scrambled eggs to poached, from exercising in the morning to when you get home from work, or going from a gas vehicle to electric. 

Even small changes like these can bring up a lot of anxiety and shame. 

Are you putting on or losing weight, and what will people think about that? If you order water instead of wine when you’re out to dinner with friends, will they see you as less fun or relatable? Will people start talking to you about politics if they see you’re now driving an electric car? If you start to pursue other relationships after signing your divorce, will your children resent you and choose to spend more time with your ex? 

Change comes in all shapes and sizes and with a whole heck of a lot of unknowns. 

To learn more about the three types of change, the six stages of change, and how you can learn to embrace change, I encourage you to read my guide: How to Overcome Your Fear of Change. 

Fear of Being Judged

A fear of being judged can be debilitating, keeping us from pursuing our dreams, romantic relationships, the career we’ve always wanted, or being the person we’ve always known we truly are. 

In other words, a fear of being judged holds you back from living the life your soul intended.™

We all want to feel loved, accepted, and respected. It feels safe and good to belong—it’s in our DNA! Since the dawn of humankind, our survival has depended on belonging to a group and being loved and accepted by others. It’s biological! 

And when that belonging is threatened, our self-esteem, confidence, and wellbeing suffer. You feel disconnected and alone. And you could die out there on your own! 

Even if we won’t die if we don’t belong, the feelings we experience are just as strong. Well-intentioned feedback can feel like judgment—like someone is trying to kick you out of your tribe. 

Do you relate to any of these symptoms? 

• Do you hide who you are to avoid embarrassment?
• Do you try to be perfect to avoid being judged?
• Do you avoid doing things alone?
• Do you focus your energy on figuring out WHY someone doesn’t like you?
• Are you afraid to look stupid, selfish, lazy, etc., to others?
• Do strangers or authority figures intimidate you?
• Do you wait for others to go first and people-please to make sure they like you?
• Do you worry everyone you pass on the street is looking at you and judging you?
• Do you hesitate to share your dreams and be the real you?

And friends, don’t feel bad if you relate to several of these symptoms. I’d be surprised if you didn’t. I certainly do! When I first started Fearless Living, I was terrified. I didn’t know how people were going to react, and I was consumed by a fear of being judged. 

I remember holding my first workshop in my home and being unable to tear my eyes away from my kitchen floor because I hadn’t had my kitchen redone yet. I thought, “Who is going to want to listen to me? I can’t even fix the cracks in my own floor!” I was also struggling with my weight. I thought, “Who is going to listen to me about self improvement when I can’t even improve myself?” 

I had so many excuses why I shouldn’t hold the workshop, why I should forget about Fearless Living altogether. But all of those excuses were based on a fear of being judged. And trust me when I say that is FAR from the only time I’ve experienced a fear of being judged. I feared people would judge me because I was an orphan. I feared I would be judged for moving to Los Angeles to be an actress. I feared I would be judged when I published my first book. I feared, I feared, I feared… 

Friends, we all fear being judged from time to time, and this fear can penetrate deep into our hearts, coming through in every decision we make. But with practice, you can learn to manage your fears and put more focus on yourself—where it actually counts. 

No one ever gets ahead when they’re wrapped up in what other people think.

So, how can you navigate this powerful emotional fear? Learn How to Overcome Your Fear of Being Judged.

Fear of Rejection

Upset boy with friends gossiping in background in park

Every single human being has experienced a fear of rejection in their lives. Just like with a fear of being judged, this fear is ingrained in our DNA. Our hunter-gatherer human ancestors were part of tribes. Belonging to a tribe meant you were safe. After all, there’s strength in numbers! 

But what happens if your tribe rejects you? You’ll be alone—prey for all manner of sharp-toothed dangers. 

While most of us don’t need this kind of protection today, these biological instincts are still a key, unconscious part of us. No, we likely won’t die if we’re rejected from our “tribe,” but the intense fear it triggers is the same.

Research tells us human beings need emotional connections with others and a sense of belonging in order to survive, just like we need food and water. And not only that, but the reactions produced by the brain as a result of rejection are very close to those produced by physical pain.

Let’s say that one more time: According to the latest neuroscience, the reaction in your brain to experiencing the emotional pain of rejection is not that different from experiencing physical pain.

In other words, REJECTION HURTS!

So no, you aren’t crazy for reacting strongly to rejection. However, reacting strongly shows you’ve allowed your fear of rejection to take control and make decisions for you. Instead of your wisdom, intuition, and experience, fear is in the driver’s seat, guiding each and every one of your decisions. 

While a fear of rejection hurts, and although it’s totally natural, it still shouldn’t rule your life. 

Ask yourself, do you relate to any of the following? 

• Do you lack assertiveness in social situations?
• Do you consistently wear different masks to please people?
• Are you afraid to say no and express your opinion?
• Are you afraid to speak up and share a different point of view? 
• Do you feel like a chameleon, changing what you wear, what you say, and how you behave to fit in with the people around you? 
• Do you feel like other people are superior to you?
• Are you extremely conscious of what others think of you?
• Do you frequently shut down around loud or intimidating people?
• Do you feel exposed whenever you reveal anything personal about yourself?
• Are you unable to feel relaxed or at ease in your body?
• Would you rather be hurt than hurt somebody else?
• Do you feel selfish asking someone to consider your needs?
• Do you deny your dreams or goals for fear of being laughed at, ridiculed, or discouraged? 

While it may feel embarrassing (or like you could be rejected) if you relate to the above, acknowledging this fear is a vital step towards overcoming it. 

Being rejected or thinking you might be rejected, especially by those you love, is one of the worst feelings in the world. It’s so painful that many of us do all we can to put up emotional walls and protect ourselves from the possibility of being rejected. 

But these walls, erected by fear, can keep you from being vulnerable, finding love, and pursuing your dreams. 

Fear convinces you it’s better not to try at all than it is to risk rejection. But this way of thinking and making decisions can have a profoundly negative impact on your life. 

Once you’re done here, I encourage you to learn How to Overcome Your Fear of Rejection. 

Fear of Not Being Good Enough

The fear of not being good enough tells us we are missing something key to our success. Maybe we don’t have enough money or enough experience or the right upbringing or the right education. We believe some secret ingredient is missing, and we use that as a crutch to lean on—it’s the reason for all of our troubles.

Do you relate to any of the following? 

• Do you define yourself as a perfectionist?
• Do you constantly compare yourself to others? 
• Do you have unrealistic and unspoken expectations? 
• Do you put pressure on yourself to “have it all now”? 
• Do you ignore or deny compliments? 
• Do you focus on what’s not done rather than what is? 
• Do you feel alone and unsupported? 
• Do you take things personally and blame yourself? 
• Do you feel like you’re missing something that everyone else has? 

The belief that we are missing something is our excuse, validation, and rationalization. 

There’s a reason I left this one for last. Fear of not being good enough is the most all-encompassing fear. I like to call fear of not being good enough a foundational fear because it includes all of the other types of fear, including fear of failure, fear of intimacy, fear of rejection, etc.

Why are you afraid of failure? It’s often because, deep down, you believe you are not good enough. Why do you have a fear of intimacy? Well, deep down, you feel you’re not good enough for intimate, close relationships.

Fear of not being good enough is the most pervasive of the emotional fears we discuss at Fearless Living. Start paying attention to how this fear shows up because it will help you see where you stand with all of the other most common emotional fears.

Don’t stop here! I encourage you to learn How to Overcome Your Fear of Not Being Good Enough.

Conquer Your Emotional Fears with Fearless You

Cracking the code to your emotional fears is one of the incredible journeys you can take with the community at Fearless Living. In my How to Overcome Fear Series, which is available inside Fearless You, along with dozens of other courses, you’ll learn how to release each of your fears using clear, actionable steps. 

A Fearless You membership gets you access to the entire How to Overcome Fear series, which tackles ALL 10 of the emotional fears outlined in this post. You’ll also gain access to weekly teachings (with myself and other coaches!) that will guide you through finally living the life your soul intended.™ 

Learn more about Fearless You, and continue following the Fearless Living blog for free weekly content on everything from how to set clear boundaries to how to start over.