Have you ever feel lonely?
Do you find yourself isolating because it seems easier?
Is hugging, flirting, connecting, or confronting difficult for you?
Wish you could just get over it already? Whatever "it" is?
Me too. For decades.
The worry, doubt and guilt was killing me.
I thought if I just tried harder things would change. (They didn't.)
I thought if the RIGHT person loved me I would feel loved. (Nope. That didn't erase the lack of love I had for myself.)
I thought if I was more successful than I would definitely feel loved and accepted. (Actually being successful just brought up how empty I felt inside.)
I thought I was doing everything I was SUPPOSED TO DO...
I was reading books on opening my heart to love and going to therapy to discover why I never believed anyone REALLY loved me. (Thanks a lot Dad!)
Don't get me wrong, those books and therapy were awesomely wonderful. I learned some great tools but deep down inside, I didn't feel like I deserved to be loved or that I had any right to love myself.
Words like selfish. Worthless. Not good enough. Kept popping up in my brain. And I had plenty of proof that it was true! My screw-ups. My heartbreaks. My failures.
Then one day as I was reading another self-help book, these words leapt from the page: "When you get down to it, there's only two emotions: Fear or Love."
That's when the penny dropped.
Fear or Love.
Yes. That's it. FEAR!!!
I was afraid to be loved. What if they found out how damaged I really am? I was afraid to speak up. What if they don't want to listen? I was afraid to be as successful as I dared dream. Who will like me then?
Everything. Always. Was about everyone else.
How will THEY feel if I don't attend Christmas dinner? What if THEY leave me because we disagree? I don't want to hurt THEIR feelings. THEY won't like me if I don't do what THEY want so I won't make waves.
Always. Everyone else. And I thought I was doing it all in the name of love.
That whole time I thought I was being kind and considerate. I thought I was being thoughtful!
I had the right idea but was going about it all wrong because I didn't understand how fear really worked.
And to be fair, once I admitted that maybe I did have fears it felt overwhelming to even think about because there was just so many! (That's a lie by the way. You only have one Core Fear. More on that in a bit.)
Fear of getting hurt. Fear of being dumped. Fear of being ignored, rejected, disposed of. Fear of feeling vulnerable. Of looking stupid, and selfish, and secretly worried that I was not good enough anyway.
I felt stuck.
I desperately wanted to be more loving. But without a framework, I didn't know HOW to love another without losing myself.
I yearned to be a better person. But without a system, I didn't know HOW to say no and still feel connected and kind.
I was told to be like Mother Theresa so I devoted myself to being there for others. But without guidance, I didn't know HOW to take care of myself when everyone else needed to be taken care of.
So I just kept doing what I did best.
Ignoring. Avoiding. Pretending.
ALL. THE. TIME.
Until the pain got so great.
The resentment so high.
The disconnection so evident.
THAT I COULD NOT DENY IT ANYMORE...
That moment was the moment I devoted myself to fear.
Understanding it. Learning how it worked. Mastering it.
Mastering fear has allowed me to...
Stay open hearted and say no. Give from the overflow so I never get depleted. Speak with kind words and stand for myself at the same time. Be successful without feeling so much guilt and shame about it.
And so much more...
IT FELT LIKE A MIRACLE.
That's when I learned - without a shadow of a doubt - that there’s Only ONE Thing Standing Between You and More Love in Your Life, More Success, More Joy...
That One Thing is.... Fear!
I wasn't the first one to have the penny drop.
If you read the great books or listen to any of the ancient or modern sages, you hear them all repeat one mantra, one declaration, over and over again: Fear or Love. That’s it. Fear or Love.
The problem was I couldn't find any book or class or workshop on how to master fear that had a framework, a system. Instead, all I found was a bunch of cliches that were nice to repeat but not very helpful when facing a decision and I riddled with doubt.
I could find nothing that explained how fear worked for me in MY LIFE and I needed that. Without a personalized system I didn't trust that if I did the work, it would give me results. Guaranteed.
Neuroscience is great but knowing fear is part of my neurobiology never stopped me from eating a donut. I needed real skills and real tools.
That's why none of this fear stuff is your fault because the REAL PROBLEM is...No one ever tells you how to get beyond your Fears!
Because I was so desperate (by this time I had three failed suicide attempts), I was determined to figure this out.
It took me years but slowly, day by day, exercise by exercise, tool by tool... I was changing. And the fears that cut me off from love were no longer holding me back.
I no longer felt guilty when I said no. I could accept compliments. I was no longer afraid of speaking up or walking into a room full of strangers.
I found myself knowing exactly what to do when I had doubt. My fear of rejection and failure practically evaporated. I could see the lies of my negative thinking and instead, I embraced the powerful, empowering, loving, authentic me.
And here's the big one: I wasn't ashamed of my past anymore.
That's a true miracle.
You know what mastering fear has given me? If I had to sum it all up in one word?
FREEDOM. I am truly free.
Free of the shame and blame and guilt. Free of the punishment and debt. Free of the abuse and betrayal. Free from it all.
The day I devoted myself to mastering fear EVERYTHING CHANGED.
By the way, you don't have to get all buddy-buddy with fear. (Not yet anyway!)
But you do have to make a decision. You do have to decide to do something about your fear thing.
Here's the good news: I've done it!
You don't have to wait decades for relief. All I need is 10 weeks of your time.
Because when you see how YOUR insidious, sneaky fear really works, everything changes.
Once you have a system and the guidance from someone who's been there you will no longer be held back by fear....
Imagine. You'll be able to go anywhere, do anything, and meet anyone.
You'll be FREE!
Then, I've got great news!
The course I created to save my own life is called the Fearless Living Training Program (FLTP). (I'm not into cute and clever names. Let's just call it was it is. A training program.)
By the way if you're looking for fluff, move on. This is not for you.
If you're looking for a quick fix, this is not for you.
Don't misunderstand me. You will have immediate changes but they won't be fixes, they will much, much more than that.
When my life sucked, I tried all that quick fix stuff. It was nice, for a while. But soon enough, I had the same problems pop up and had no real solutions.
So yes, I'm not into temporary fixes. I needed a permanent solution. One that would work when the next crisis hit.
You've probably guessed that the Fearless Living Training Program is deep and it's going to ask something from you.
You're right about that. It will ask something from you. And so will I. (I rarely teach the FLTP live but I'm doing it starting October 4th.)
And yes, it will give you your life back. In fact, after ten weeks with my coaching and guidance you will get a BETTER LIFE BACK!
I love you. I believe in you. Now it's time you take a risk and believe in yourself. I will be right by your side giving you the guidance you need to truly transform and transcend whatever fear is holding you back....but you have to pull the lever and say YES.