Have you ever been so mad you just wanted to spit (or scream or cry or go on a vacation for like a year)?
Oh yes, I’ve been that mad. And no part of my life is immune.
I’ve gotten mad about business. That’s a funny story. Well, now it’s funny but then, not so funny.
I’ve gotten outraged about love. Soooo embarrassing. To think what I ‘almost’ did to get back at him. UGH!
But the worst kind of mad is when I am mad at myself.
Do you ever get mad at yourself?
Have you ever gotten mad at yourself for the things you’re NOT doing that you KNOW would make you happy?
Or have you ever gotten all caught up in the cycle of shame?
You get mad, then feel bad about getting mad and then you beat yourself up because you “know better”(but darn it, you’re doing it anyway)?
I’ve done that. More than once. Like a gazillion times.
I remember when I was taping one of my 515 episodes of Starting Over and got so mad that I had to walk around the block, twice, while repeating over and over: You’re better than this Rhonda.
Or what about this one:
You start thinking about that ‘soulmate’ who dumped you or that boss who fired you or that friend who betrayed you…and you start beating yourself up because you “should” have seen that coming?
Do you find yourself swearing to yourself that “it will never happen again?”
I’ve spent decades squashing my anger, stuffing it down, regretting my choices and convincing myself that good people shouldn’t get angry. (Such a lie.)
I’ve also spent the same amount of time telling myself “be positive” as if positive thinking eliminates rage. (Another lie).
Regret sucks. And so does shame. Sucks. Sucks. Sucks.
And it all comes down to the same problem: the past.
And it was holding me back.
Is your past holding you back?
Without forgiveness, my dead father would still be haunting my life. Without forgiveness, I would still be blaming myself for my divorce. Without forgiveness, I would still think everything that goes wrong is my fault.