GUILT. That’s a pretty big word. And it’s one we’re all familiar with. I know that word inside and out. I’ve spent most of my life figuring out how to stop feeling guilty, and there are still aspects of guilt I’m working on.
Because here’s the thing about guilt. Guilt exists, and guilt builds because we are unable to forgive ourselves. We are so afraid and so trapped by fear that we aren’t able to even see or comprehend a path forward to forgiveness.
But I will tell you here and now, and again whenever you need to hear it, that forgiveness saved my life. And it can save yours too.
In a previous article, I shared how to forgive other people. When you’re done reading this guide, I encourage you to check out that post as well: How to Forgive Someone Who Isn't Sorry.
Today, our focus is completely inward. We’re going to talk about what causes guilty feelings and how you can relieve yourself of guilt through the power of forgiveness. There’s a lot to cover, so let’s get to it.
My Story of Guilt, Fear, and Forgiveness
I know something about guilt, fear, and forgiveness. Quite a bit, actually.
My parents were both taken from me in a matter of moments on June 15, 1975, which was also Father’s Day. After 20 years of marriage, my mother had finally decided to leave my father after years of neglect, abuse, and infidelity. But she invited him to the house because it was Father’s Day. My father accepted the invitation. And he brought a rifle with him.
My mother and I greeted him in the driveway, where he proceeded to rage at my mother. He screamed at her. He told her it was all her fault. He said, “You made me do this. This is all your fault.” All I could say was, “Please, daddy, don’t.”
Then my father fired two bullets into my mother’s abdomen. Then he turned the gun on me. I thought I would be next. And I wasn’t shocked. Two years earlier, when I was 12, he strangled me. I thought I would die then, too. But then he turned the gun on himself and fired the third bullet into his temple. I was the only witness. They were buried on what would have been their 20th anniversary.
In a moment, my life was shattered. I was filled with so much rage. So much sadness. So much pain. And yes, so much guilt. Was there something I could have done? I walked away from that moment in my life with my spirit shattered, barely hanging on. I had survivor guilt. I didn’t want to live. I didn’t think I deserved to live. After all, I didn’t do enough to save my mom. I didn’t do enough to make my dad feel loved. I failed. I was a bad person. This is what I thought, at least.
For 20 years, I languished in these feelings of guilt.
For 20 years, I was lost in a spiral of self-criticism, self-punishment, and negative emotions. For 20 years, whenever I went to sleep, I knew I would see my father again. He would chase me through the woods, firing bullets at me. He would shoot me again, and again, and again. I would wake up covered in sweat, my hands where I’d just been shot. I could feel the bullet wounds.
So, I drank. I drank to forget. I drank to stop the guilt. I drank to stop the dreams. I drank to stop my father from murdering me in my sleep.
I was an alcoholic. I tried to end my own life unsuccessfully three times. And boy, did I feel guilty about that, too. Guilty about trying to take my life and guilty about not succeeding. I was completely consumed by guilt, by anger, by fear. They ran my life—for 20 years. I had so much anger I felt like I could burn down the whole world. I sabotaged my career, my relationships, my life.
I knew something had to change or else I was dead.
I’m sure you’re wondering how I could possibly forgive my father for murdering my mother and trying to kill his daughter. But the hardest person to forgive wasn’t my father. It wasn’t even my mother for inviting him over and keeping him in our lives for so long.
The hardest person to forgive was myself. My father did something incomprehensible, something unforgivable. But I was no saint either. What I was doing to my emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual health for 20 years was pretty unforgivable too.
Was I afraid to forgive? Absolutely. Fear was running the show. For a long time, I thought forgiveness meant saying everything my parents did was okay. I’d have to say, “Yep, no problem, all is forgotten, dad,” in order to forgive. But what took me so long to realize is that I didn’t have to forgive in that way. Forgiveness was about myself, not my parents, and not anyone else who I felt wronged me.
So I made a choice. I made the choice to be vulnerable, to melt the heart I’d spent decades coating in ice. I made the choice to forgive. Not only my parents but myself.
Holding on to your guilt, shame, and pain keeps you trapped. Not being able to forgive robs you of your passion, your energy, your spark, your love of life. It keeps you believing things about yourself that are just plain false. It keeps you from living the life your soul intended.™
I’m not saying forgiveness was an easy choice. I’m not saying making the choice to forgive is all it takes.
It takes years of work, and the work is never really done.
There are many different phases of forgiveness, so, so, SO many layers to work through. It took me 20 years just to start on my journey to forgiveness, and that journey is still going. Sure, I could have made the decision to forgive myself earlier, but that’s not what happened. We are all on our own divine schedule—including you.
Wherever you are on your journey, know that it is okay. You are okay. Even if the idea of letting go of your guilt and forgiving yourself feels impossible, what matters most is you are here right now with me, reading this article. You are showing a willingness, no matter how small, to start the healing process.
You are making the brave choice to open your heart and consider another path—the path to freedom. I’m not going to lie and say it will be easy. It will be hard. It will take a lot of hard work. But trust me—the rewards of freedom are worth every difficult step and hurdle on your path. And the entire community at Fearless Living—including me🙋🏼♀️—will be with you every step of the way.
What Causes Feeling Guilty?
We feel guilty when we fear we’ve done something wrong, either through our actions or our inaction. These feelings can be big or small. Obviously, we feel guilty if we hurt someone either intentionally or not, but we can also feel guilt about a wide range of things—just about everything, in fact—like not following our parents’ dreams for us or putting on weight or forgetting a new coworker’s name.
We can feel guilty about things that are completely out of our control. There was nothing I could do to stop my father from murdering my mother. There are likely so many things in your life you feel guilty for that have nothing to do with you.
We like to believe we have complete control over our own lives. We like to believe if we could go back in time and just do a few things differently, our lives would be forever altered, and things could finally be perfect. We feel guilty for not making the right choices, for turning left when we should have turned right.
Human beings can feel guilty about absolutely anything that happens in our everyday life.
Our fear of not being good enough—which is one of the biggest emotional fears we talk about at Fearless Living because it affects just about every single human being on this planet—is a huge part of what makes us feel guilty.
We feel guilty for not measuring up, either in our parents’ eyes, our spouse’s eyes, our friends’ eyes, or the eyes of society at large. That’s why we can feel a pang of guilt when we see a beautiful woman or man on the cover of a magazine. They are the epitome of society’s ideas about beauty. Why can’t we look like that? What’s wrong with us? Why aren’t we working hard enough? Why haven’t we joined a gym?
Guilt, guilt, guilt.
Bottom line: You feel guilty because of fear. It’s fear that’s driving your feelings of guilt. It’s fear that’s keeping you trapped. But that stops now.
Let’s start your journey together. Here are some steps you can take to stop feeling guilty and, one day, finally forgive yourself.
How to Stop Feeling Guilty and Forgive Yourself
Begin With Compassion (Or Going Easy on Yourself)
I get it. I bet when so many of you hear the word compassion, you roll your eyes.
“Rhonda, I’m tough. I’m fierce. Compassion is for the weak. And Rhonda—I’m not weak.”
I hear you. I know your strength. After all, you’re choosing to spend your time reading this article. You’re choosing to take this journey with me and overcome your fear. That takes loads of strength.
So if the word compassion seems a bit too much, think of it as going easy on yourself. We live in a society that trains us to be hyper-critical of ourselves. Point out what’s wrong so you can fix it. But folks, that’s just destructive. Just ask yourself: Has that strategy worked out for you? I bet not. Let’s not make the same mistake this time!
Perfection doesn’t exist. I want you to focus on progress, and progress is always a one step forward, two steps back process. That’s just how it is. You’re going to trip. You’re going to stumble. Forgiveness is a journey, not a destination. It’s going to take time. And it’s not going to be possible if you don’t cut yourself some slack.
When negative self-talk starts swirling in your head and heart, that’s fear talking. Fear wants to keep you down. Fear wants to make you believe you’re not a good person. Fear wants you to keep feeling guilty. Fear wants you to be hard on yourself. Fear wants you to believe you have no self-worth. Because that puts fear in control. Make a different choice.
Take your control back—your POWER back—by going easy on yourself. Think of it this way. If your puppy gets into the garbage or has an accident on the kitchen floor, do you scream at her? Do you start kicking her and yelling at her, calling her an idiot and stupid and all sorts of horrible names? Of course not. If your child trips and skins their knee, do you turn on them and say, “You little fool. Can’t you ever watch where you’re going? You’re always going to be this stupid, aren’t you?”
Probably not, right? Because you love your pets. You love your children. You’ll pick them up, clean them up, and tell them everything will be alright. Show a bit of that love toward yourself. Give yourself a helping hand—because you’re going to need it.
Guilt is so powerful. It’s so, so, SO challenging to overcome. Continuing to punish yourself is the way fear wins.
Torturing yourself, believing you can’t be loved, and committing self-destructive acts like drinking are not effective coping skills! The first step is self-compassion. We all make mistakes. That’s what makes us human. You are a human. Welcome to the club, fellow human! The first steps are the hardest. Go easy on yourself. That’s the only way to make any progress on your forgiveness journey.
Practice Saying: “I Am Willing to Forgive”
You don't have to forgive if you’re not ready. You might not be there yet. Remember—it took me 20 years before I was able to find the space to stop feeling guilty and forgive my parents and myself.
But having a willingness and opening yourself up to that willingness is something you can begin at any time. These are the tools I didn’t have way back then, but you do.
You can start with a willingness to forgive. You are WILLING to forgive. That’s not the same as forgiving. You are simply opening your mind, heart, and soul to the possibility. Because if you’re not WILLING, you won’t get much farther than where you are now. You’ll continue to stay stuck in your guilt, ruled by negative thoughts, poor self-esteem, and, above all, fear.
So, it’s time for a little exercise to help you practice being willing.
Fearbuster Exercise™
I want you to write down what you feel guilty about. What is it that you are unable to forgive yourself for? What’s the thing about yourself or your past decisions that keeps you up at night? What is it that keeps you from loving yourself wholeheartedly?
In the first column below, I want you to write down the first thing that comes to mind. Be as honest as possible, even if it’s painful to think about. Don’t be shy about writing it down because no one is going to see this but you. You can even rip it up into pieces or throw it into the fireplace when you’re done.
After you write one thing down, quickly move to the right hand column and write down the words, “I am willing to forgive myself.”
Next, quickly move back to the left hand column and write down what comes to mind next.
Go back and forth until you are drained of things to say, one sentence or phrase at a time. This is a dialogue of how you feel about yourself and your past decisions in the left hand column and what you’d like to move toward in the right hand column. On the right, you’ll continue to repeat yourself—continue to write, “I am willing to forgive myself.”
If that proves too difficult, you can write, “I am willing to be willing to forgive myself.”
| When you think of your guilt, what thoughts come up? What have you not been able to forgive yourself for? | Repeat this phrase after each sentence: “I am willing to forgive myself” or “I am willing to be willing to forgive myself.” |
| ... | ... |
| ... | ... |
| ... | ... |
No, don’t skip this exercise just because it focuses on yourself. Your relationship with yourself is even more important than any of the relationships you have with your family, friends, or spouse. The relationship you have with yourself lasts forever, which means no matter where you are in your journey, and no matter how guilty you may feel right now, the relationship is worth nurturing and healing.
Start Where You Are
As human beings, we’re amazing at putting things off. I bet you’re thinking, “When I have this, I can get started.” “If I lose this amount of weight, I can start to see myself more positively.” “Once I give up this bad habit, I can start thinking about forgiving myself.”
But folks, that’s just fear talking. Fear wants you to put off forgiving yourself. Fear wants to keep you down, and it will be in control until you choose to start the process—until you take the first step.
You can start right now, right where you are. There isn’t going to be a signal from the universe down the road. This is your signal. This is your moment. Now is the best time to begin your Fearless Journey. Right here, right now.
Remember, the key word here is choice. I can’t tell you to start. I can’t motivate you. It must be your choice. Your forgiveness journey will be a long road, so the sooner you get started, the better—the better for your mental health, your relationships, your career, and so much more.
You’re probably wondering right about now, do feelings of guilt ever go away?
Well, not completely, and some of us are more guilt prone than others (especially mothers!) Guilty feelings can rise to the surface when you least expect them. And that’s because fear is relentless; it won’t let go of you without a fight. And one of fear’s most effective weapons is negative self-talk, whether it’s occurring in your head or falls out of your mouth with self-deprecating humor.
But now you have tools and a library of additional resources on the Fearless Living blog to help you walk your forgiveness journey. The next time you begin feeling guilt, take a deep breath and come back to these lessons. The path to forgiveness is full of obstacles, and from time to time, you will stumble. But what matters is that you choose to say no to fear and get back up again.
The Freedom of Forgiving Yourself
Forgiveness is a journey. It’s a journey that everyone at Fearless Living continues to walk and work through. It’s not an easy road, but it’s one that must be walked in order to find freedom from fear.
Continue your personal forgiveness journey on the Fearless Living blog. We have dozens of articles that will help you crack the secret code to fear, including topics dedicated to forgiveness. How to Forgive Even When It Feels Impossible breaks down the four stages of the forgiveness process, which will help you forgive yourself as well as anyone else who is keeping you trapped in emotional distress.
Start living the life your soul intended™ by signing up for Fearless You, your one-stop-shop for everything you need to find forgiveness, turn guilt on its head, free yourself from its burden, and master fear.
We have two full courses dedicated to forgiveness on Fearless You: Freedom of Forgiveness and Forgive the Unforgivable. These powerful courses, based on neuroscience, can be purchased separately, or you’ll gain unlimited access to ALL of the Fearless Living courses on Fearless You. Plus, you’ll get the chance to work with me and my coaches every month! Let’s start your journey of forgiveness together.
Want to keep learning and growing? Check out 5 Myths About Self-Forgiveness, where I continue to dissect self-forgiveness, focusing on common myths that prevent people from truly being able to forgive themselves.
GUILT. That’s a pretty big word. And it’s one we’re all familiar with. I know that word inside and out. I’ve spent most of my life figuring out how to stop feeling guilty, and there are still aspects of guilt I’m working on.
Because here’s the thing about guilt. Guilt exists, and guilt builds because we are unable to forgive ourselves. We are so afraid and so trapped by fear that we aren’t able to even see or comprehend a path forward to forgiveness.
But I will tell you here and now, and again whenever you need to hear it, that forgiveness saved my life. And it can save yours too.
In a previous article, I shared how to forgive other people. When you’re done reading this guide, I encourage you to check out that post as well: How to Forgive Someone Who Isn't Sorry.
Today, our focus is completely inward. We’re going to talk about what causes guilty feelings and how you can relieve yourself of guilt through the power of forgiveness. There’s a lot to cover, so let’s get to it.
My Story of Guilt, Fear, and Forgiveness
I know something about guilt, fear, and forgiveness. Quite a bit, actually.
My parents were both taken from me in a matter of moments on June 15, 1975, which was also Father’s Day. After 20 years of marriage, my mother had finally decided to leave my father after years of neglect, abuse, and infidelity. But she invited him to the house because it was Father’s Day. My father accepted the invitation. And he brought a rifle with him.
My mother and I greeted him in the driveway, where he proceeded to rage at my mother. He screamed at her. He told her it was all her fault. He said, “You made me do this. This is all your fault.” All I could say was, “Please, daddy, don’t.”
Then my father fired two bullets into my mother’s abdomen. Then he turned the gun on me. I thought I would be next. And I wasn’t shocked. Two years earlier, when I was 12, he strangled me. I thought I would die then, too. But then he turned the gun on himself and fired the third bullet into his temple. I was the only witness. They were buried on what would have been their 20th anniversary.
In a moment, my life was shattered. I was filled with so much rage. So much sadness. So much pain. And yes, so much guilt. Was there something I could have done? I walked away from that moment in my life with my spirit shattered, barely hanging on. I had survivor guilt. I didn’t want to live. I didn’t think I deserved to live. After all, I didn’t do enough to save my mom. I didn’t do enough to make my dad feel loved. I failed. I was a bad person. This is what I thought, at least.
For 20 years, I languished in these feelings of guilt.
For 20 years, I was lost in a spiral of self-criticism, self-punishment, and negative emotions. For 20 years, whenever I went to sleep, I knew I would see my father again. He would chase me through the woods, firing bullets at me. He would shoot me again, and again, and again. I would wake up covered in sweat, my hands where I’d just been shot. I could feel the bullet wounds.
So, I drank. I drank to forget. I drank to stop the guilt. I drank to stop the dreams. I drank to stop my father from murdering me in my sleep.
I was an alcoholic. I tried to end my own life unsuccessfully three times. And boy, did I feel guilty about that, too. Guilty about trying to take my life and guilty about not succeeding. I was completely consumed by guilt, by anger, by fear. They ran my life—for 20 years. I had so much anger I felt like I could burn down the whole world. I sabotaged my career, my relationships, my life.
I knew something had to change or else I was dead.
I’m sure you’re wondering how I could possibly forgive my father for murdering my mother and trying to kill his daughter. But the hardest person to forgive wasn’t my father. It wasn’t even my mother for inviting him over and keeping him in our lives for so long.
The hardest person to forgive was myself. My father did something incomprehensible, something unforgivable. But I was no saint either. What I was doing to my emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual health for 20 years was pretty unforgivable too.
Was I afraid to forgive? Absolutely. Fear was running the show. For a long time, I thought forgiveness meant saying everything my parents did was okay. I’d have to say, “Yep, no problem, all is forgotten, dad,” in order to forgive. But what took me so long to realize is that I didn’t have to forgive in that way. Forgiveness was about myself, not my parents, and not anyone else who I felt wronged me.
So I made a choice. I made the choice to be vulnerable, to melt the heart I’d spent decades coating in ice. I made the choice to forgive. Not only my parents but myself.
Holding on to your guilt, shame, and pain keeps you trapped. Not being able to forgive robs you of your passion, your energy, your spark, your love of life. It keeps you believing things about yourself that are just plain false. It keeps you from living the life your soul intended.™
I’m not saying forgiveness was an easy choice. I’m not saying making the choice to forgive is all it takes.
It takes years of work, and the work is never really done.
There are many different phases of forgiveness, so, so, SO many layers to work through. It took me 20 years just to start on my journey to forgiveness, and that journey is still going. Sure, I could have made the decision to forgive myself earlier, but that’s not what happened. We are all on our own divine schedule—including you.
Wherever you are on your journey, know that it is okay. You are okay. Even if the idea of letting go of your guilt and forgiving yourself feels impossible, what matters most is you are here right now with me, reading this article. You are showing a willingness, no matter how small, to start the healing process.
You are making the brave choice to open your heart and consider another path—the path to freedom. I’m not going to lie and say it will be easy. It will be hard. It will take a lot of hard work. But trust me—the rewards of freedom are worth every difficult step and hurdle on your path. And the entire community at Fearless Living—including me🙋🏼♀️—will be with you every step of the way.
What Causes Feeling Guilty?
We feel guilty when we fear we’ve done something wrong, either through our actions or our inaction. These feelings can be big or small. Obviously, we feel guilty if we hurt someone either intentionally or not, but we can also feel guilt about a wide range of things—just about everything, in fact—like not following our parents’ dreams for us or putting on weight or forgetting a new coworker’s name.
We can feel guilty about things that are completely out of our control. There was nothing I could do to stop my father from murdering my mother. There are likely so many things in your life you feel guilty for that have nothing to do with you.
We like to believe we have complete control over our own lives. We like to believe if we could go back in time and just do a few things differently, our lives would be forever altered, and things could finally be perfect. We feel guilty for not making the right choices, for turning left when we should have turned right.
Human beings can feel guilty about absolutely anything that happens in our everyday life.
Our fear of not being good enough—which is one of the biggest emotional fears we talk about at Fearless Living because it affects just about every single human being on this planet—is a huge part of what makes us feel guilty.
We feel guilty for not measuring up, either in our parents’ eyes, our spouse’s eyes, our friends’ eyes, or the eyes of society at large. That’s why we can feel a pang of guilt when we see a beautiful woman or man on the cover of a magazine. They are the epitome of society’s ideas about beauty. Why can’t we look like that? What’s wrong with us? Why aren’t we working hard enough? Why haven’t we joined a gym?
Guilt, guilt, guilt.
Bottom line: You feel guilty because of fear. It’s fear that’s driving your feelings of guilt. It’s fear that’s keeping you trapped. But that stops now.
Let’s start your journey together. Here are some steps you can take to stop feeling guilty and, one day, finally forgive yourself.
How to Stop Feeling Guilty and Forgive Yourself
Begin With Compassion (Or Going Easy on Yourself)
I get it. I bet when so many of you hear the word compassion, you roll your eyes.
“Rhonda, I’m tough. I’m fierce. Compassion is for the weak. And Rhonda—I’m not weak.”
I hear you. I know your strength. After all, you’re choosing to spend your time reading this article. You’re choosing to take this journey with me and overcome your fear. That takes loads of strength.
So if the word compassion seems a bit too much, think of it as going easy on yourself. We live in a society that trains us to be hyper-critical of ourselves. Point out what’s wrong so you can fix it. But folks, that’s just destructive. Just ask yourself: Has that strategy worked out for you? I bet not. Let’s not make the same mistake this time!
Perfection doesn’t exist. I want you to focus on progress, and progress is always a one step forward, two steps back process. That’s just how it is. You’re going to trip. You’re going to stumble. Forgiveness is a journey, not a destination. It’s going to take time. And it’s not going to be possible if you don’t cut yourself some slack.
When negative self-talk starts swirling in your head and heart, that’s fear talking. Fear wants to keep you down. Fear wants to make you believe you’re not a good person. Fear wants you to keep feeling guilty. Fear wants you to be hard on yourself. Fear wants you to believe you have no self-worth. Because that puts fear in control. Make a different choice.
Take your control back—your POWER back—by going easy on yourself. Think of it this way. If your puppy gets into the garbage or has an accident on the kitchen floor, do you scream at her? Do you start kicking her and yelling at her, calling her an idiot and stupid and all sorts of horrible names? Of course not. If your child trips and skins their knee, do you turn on them and say, “You little fool. Can’t you ever watch where you’re going? You’re always going to be this stupid, aren’t you?”
Probably not, right? Because you love your pets. You love your children. You’ll pick them up, clean them up, and tell them everything will be alright. Show a bit of that love toward yourself. Give yourself a helping hand—because you’re going to need it.
Guilt is so powerful. It’s so, so, SO challenging to overcome. Continuing to punish yourself is the way fear wins.
Torturing yourself, believing you can’t be loved, and committing self-destructive acts like drinking are not effective coping skills! The first step is self-compassion. We all make mistakes. That’s what makes us human. You are a human. Welcome to the club, fellow human! The first steps are the hardest. Go easy on yourself. That’s the only way to make any progress on your forgiveness journey.
Practice Saying: “I Am Willing to Forgive”
You don't have to forgive if you’re not ready. You might not be there yet. Remember—it took me 20 years before I was able to find the space to stop feeling guilty and forgive my parents and myself.
But having a willingness and opening yourself up to that willingness is something you can begin at any time. These are the tools I didn’t have way back then, but you do.
You can start with a willingness to forgive. You are WILLING to forgive. That’s not the same as forgiving. You are simply opening your mind, heart, and soul to the possibility. Because if you’re not WILLING, you won’t get much farther than where you are now. You’ll continue to stay stuck in your guilt, ruled by negative thoughts, poor self-esteem, and, above all, fear.
So, it’s time for a little exercise to help you practice being willing.
Fearbuster Exercise™
I want you to write down what you feel guilty about. What is it that you are unable to forgive yourself for? What’s the thing about yourself or your past decisions that keeps you up at night? What is it that keeps you from loving yourself wholeheartedly?
In the first column below, I want you to write down the first thing that comes to mind. Be as honest as possible, even if it’s painful to think about. Don’t be shy about writing it down because no one is going to see this but you. You can even rip it up into pieces or throw it into the fireplace when you’re done.
After you write one thing down, quickly move to the right hand column and write down the words, “I am willing to forgive myself.”
Next, quickly move back to the left hand column and write down what comes to mind next.
Go back and forth until you are drained of things to say, one sentence or phrase at a time. This is a dialogue of how you feel about yourself and your past decisions in the left hand column and what you’d like to move toward in the right hand column. On the right, you’ll continue to repeat yourself—continue to write, “I am willing to forgive myself.”
If that proves too difficult, you can write, “I am willing to be willing to forgive myself.”
| When you think of your guilt, what thoughts come up? What have you not been able to forgive yourself for? | Repeat this phrase after each sentence: “I am willing to forgive myself” or “I am willing to be willing to forgive myself.” |
| ... | ... |
| ... | ... |
| ... | ... |
No, don’t skip this exercise just because it focuses on yourself. Your relationship with yourself is even more important than any of the relationships you have with your family, friends, or spouse. The relationship you have with yourself lasts forever, which means no matter where you are in your journey, and no matter how guilty you may feel right now, the relationship is worth nurturing and healing.
Start Where You Are
As human beings, we’re amazing at putting things off. I bet you’re thinking, “When I have this, I can get started.” “If I lose this amount of weight, I can start to see myself more positively.” “Once I give up this bad habit, I can start thinking about forgiving myself.”
But folks, that’s just fear talking. Fear wants you to put off forgiving yourself. Fear wants to keep you down, and it will be in control until you choose to start the process—until you take the first step.
You can start right now, right where you are. There isn’t going to be a signal from the universe down the road. This is your signal. This is your moment. Now is the best time to begin your Fearless Journey. Right here, right now.
Remember, the key word here is choice. I can’t tell you to start. I can’t motivate you. It must be your choice. Your forgiveness journey will be a long road, so the sooner you get started, the better—the better for your mental health, your relationships, your career, and so much more.
You’re probably wondering right about now, do feelings of guilt ever go away?
Well, not completely, and some of us are more guilt prone than others (especially mothers!) Guilty feelings can rise to the surface when you least expect them. And that’s because fear is relentless; it won’t let go of you without a fight. And one of fear’s most effective weapons is negative self-talk, whether it’s occurring in your head or falls out of your mouth with self-deprecating humor.
But now you have tools and a library of additional resources on the Fearless Living blog to help you walk your forgiveness journey. The next time you begin feeling guilt, take a deep breath and come back to these lessons. The path to forgiveness is full of obstacles, and from time to time, you will stumble. But what matters is that you choose to say no to fear and get back up again.
The Freedom of Forgiving Yourself
Forgiveness is a journey. It’s a journey that everyone at Fearless Living continues to walk and work through. It’s not an easy road, but it’s one that must be walked in order to find freedom from fear.
Continue your personal forgiveness journey on the Fearless Living blog. We have dozens of articles that will help you crack the secret code to fear, including topics dedicated to forgiveness. How to Forgive Even When It Feels Impossible breaks down the four stages of the forgiveness process, which will help you forgive yourself as well as anyone else who is keeping you trapped in emotional distress.
Start living the life your soul intended™ by signing up for Fearless You, your one-stop-shop for everything you need to find forgiveness, turn guilt on its head, free yourself from its burden, and master fear.
We have two full courses dedicated to forgiveness on Fearless You: Freedom of Forgiveness and Forgive the Unforgivable. These powerful courses, based on neuroscience, can be purchased separately, or you’ll gain unlimited access to ALL of the Fearless Living courses on Fearless You. Plus, you’ll get the chance to work with me and my coaches every month! Let’s start your journey of forgiveness together.
Want to keep learning and growing? Check out 5 Myths About Self-Forgiveness, where I continue to dissect self-forgiveness, focusing on common myths that prevent people from truly being able to forgive themselves.
