Trust is a scary word for so many of us (myself included! šš¼āāļø) But when most of us think about trust, we think about trusting other peopleātrusting our partners, children, friends, family, coworkers, etc. Iām sorry, but I have some news youāre not going to want to hear. Trust is something you need to build with yourself FIRST, and thatās exactly what weāre going to discuss today. Letās learn why self-trust is important and how to trust yourself one step at a time.
Iāll share how to trust yourself and make confident decisions that you can stand by, as well as my own (continued) journey toward self-trust.
Why Donāt You Trust Yourself?
Trust is the backbone of any healthy, strong relationship. If you donāt trust your partner, youāre not going to last long, or you will continue bearing through a relationship that doesnāt fulfill you. Wanting to trust a romantic partner is something we can all understand and relate to, but what about the trust we hold with ourselves?
What does it mean to not trust yourself? To not trust yourself means:

- You second-guess every decision you make
- You donāt trust your own judgment
- You think you can only make a decision if others around you agree
- Youāre not able to stand up for yourself
- You have low self-esteem and lack confidence
- You always look to other people for the answers
- You believe everyone else has the answers, but you donāt
- You put yourself down either in your head or out loud to others
- You donāt have clear boundaries to protect your physical, mental, and emotional health
- You never or rarely take the time to look inward
- You feel uncomfortable spending time alone
- Youād rather stay busy than sit and reflect on your own thoughts and feelings
I spent many years of my life not trusting myself. I thought I was the one who was wrong, who didnāt fit in. I thought everyone else had the answers, but I did not. I didnāt trust myself enough to face the hard truths about my actions and where my life was headed.
I didnāt trust myself to listen to my own feelings or spend time alone. I didnāt trust myself enough to choose the right relationship or to put myself first. I didn't trust myself enough to follow my dreams or pursue any sort of passion.
In fact, every intimate relationship I had was fraught with trust issues. Because I didnāt trust myself, I thought the way to show my partner love was to trust them, even though they may not have earned it or deserved it.Ā
I thought love was trusting them. No. Matter. What.Ā
And because I didnāt trust myself, I never got to know myself, so for decades (yes, decades), I thought I was ālovingā by trusting them more than trusting myself. I ignored any of the red flags or warning signs I got because I took that as not trusting them. Well, you can imagine the mess that made in my relationships. All in the name of love, or so I thought.Ā
Oh boy, was I wrong. It wasnāt until I realized that if I didnāt trust myselfātrusted what I liked, trusted what I wanted, trusted what made me happy, etc.āI could never truly feel loved by myself or another.Ā
My journey to self-trust was long and complicated, as most peopleās relationships with themselves are. Trust is something you build over time; it takes hard work and a whole lot of introspection.
So, how do you trust and believe in yourself, and how do you get better at being honest with yourself even when the truth hurts? Letās find out.
How to Trust Yourself
1. Tell Yourself That You Are Enough (And Start Believing It)
Letās start with something so small, but oh-so-difficult for so many of us. Simply tell yourself that you are enough. I donāt mean later or some time in the future, I mean right now.
Repeat after me:
āI am enough exactly as I am.ā
āI am enough exactly as I am.ā
āI am enough exactly as I am.ā
How does it feel to say it out loud?Ā
Do you want to throw up? Are you secretly excited? Are you torn because you wish you believed that about yourself? You may be experiencing all these feelings and more.Ā
Thatās okay. Thatās normal. And, if you ever want to believe itās true, you gotta at least try to say it out loud to get used to hearing the words coming from your own mouth. If you want to go the extra mile, say it in the mirror eyeball to eyeball. It will give the words an added boost.Ā
Itās amazing what we refuse to say to ourselves for fear of what others will think of us, fear that weāre fooling ourselves, or fear that it could never happen for us.Ā
So spit in the eye of fear and letās practice saying it out loud, eyeball to eyeball, over and over again:Ā
āI am enough exactly as I am.ā
āI am enough exactly as I am.ā
āI am enough exactly as I am.ā
Yes. It will get easier and feel better with each practice session.
Oh, and I want to add this: if you never do another thing with your lifeāyou never write the next great novel or make a million dollars or open that business of your dreamsāyou've already done so much that youāve done enough. I know it may not feel that way, but weāre not talking about those feelings driven by fear. I am talking about the truth of who you are. And who you are at your core is enough. Because you are enough. Just as you are. Exactly as you are.Ā
This is the greatest gift you can give yourself today, and itās the first step you can choose to take in order to start trusting yourself. I want you to start believing this inside and out because thatās taking back your personal power. You donāt need permission or anyone elseās approval to believe that you are enough. You are the only YOU you have, and you can choose any time to begin accepting and loving who you are. Itās all up to you.
2. Work With Your FeelingsāNot Against Them
We all have feelings we wish we didnāt have.Ā
We feel jealous of our siblings when our parents seem to appreciate them more, even though we āknowā weāve been the favorite at one point too. We resent our business partner for closing a deal that should have been ours, even though we āknowā that their success is the companyās success. We feel small and ugly when we catch our spouse checking out another person, even though we āknowā they love us⦠and we just did the same thing five minutes ago.Ā Ā
Forget what you āknowā because itās irrelevant. Hereās the truth: what you āknowā doesnāt change what you feel.Ā
Denying your feelings wonāt make them go away. If you feel one way but are constantly denying that to yourself, youāre not telling yourself the truth, are you? So how can you trust yourself?Ā
Admit when you feel sad or when you feel mad or when you feel jealous. Those are your real feelings, and hiding them or pretending they donāt exist wonāt make them any less real. You need to acknowledge your feelingsāthe good, the bad, and the uglyāin order to build self-trust. Plus, once you acknowledge them, you can slowly begin to work through your feelings to discover whatās at the heart of them. And, in turn, learn how to shift them in the direction of compassion, empowermentāand yesātrust.Ā
3. Tell Yourself the Truth (With Compassion)
Trust is a two-way streetāand that goes for self-trust as well. In order to trust yourself, you need to tell the truth. Be honest with yourself. Do this with self-compassion, but be honest.
I donāt want to brush over the compassion part because it is essential. Being honest doesnāt mean saying to yourself, āHey Rhonda, youāre such an idiot for forgetting to take out the garbage again! You canāt even do this simple thing right.ā
Thatās negative self-talk, and it is completely unwelcome. Instead, come at it from a place of compassion. Would you say that to your kid, partner, or parent if they forgot to do something? No, you wouldnāt. Show that same compassion to yourself, but at the same time, donāt let yourself off the hook. Be honest.
āGive yourself a break, but donāt let yourself off the hook.ā - Rhonda Britten
Instead, you might say, āHey Rhonda, it seems like you often struggle to remember to take out the garbage with all of the other things you have going on. What about setting a weekly reminder to help you remember?ā
Be accountable to yourself because you are your own best friend. Mistakes are okay. Heck, theyāre more than okay! Theyāre natural and theyāre human! But donāt beat yourself up over them. You need to show yourself compassion when you tell yourself the truth.
Itās the honesty that will really help you dig deep into what's going on. Honesty will help you understand your needs, wants, and desires. I like to say:Ā
āThe more we tell ourselves the truth with compassion, the more that we can take responsibility and choose a new wayābreak the cycle.ā
4. Set Boundaries Based on Your Personal Needs
We ALL need boundaries! As much as your family or friends may like to act like that donāt exist, boundaries are important. What does this have to do with trust? You need to care and protect yourself in order to build trust. You do this by setting clear boundaries that keep you from physical, mental, and emotional harm.
Boundaries keep us from saying yes to our friend who asks if youāll help them move for a third time this year. Boundaries ensure we speak up when someone infringes on our personal space. Boundaries help us tell our family that we need a moment for self-care.
Setting clear boundaries helps us build and maintain our own identity, ensures we maintain our physical and mental health, and prevents feelings of anger and resentment from building up and boiling over.
So, what are your boundaries? I always recommend falling back on your own personal needs. What do you need to feel happy, healthy, and fulfilled? Each person's own needs are different, and thereās no right or wrong answer. Some examples of common needs include:
- Belonging
- Financial Stability
- Respect
- Space
- FaithĀ
- Spirituality
- Honesty
- Freedom
- Creativity
- Understanding
- Harmony
- Love
- Solitude
- Fairness
- CommunityĀ
What boundaries do you need to set to make sure those needs are met? And what are the consequences of having your boundaries crossed?
If one of your personal needs is honesty, what happens when someone lies to you? What are the consequences for breaking your trust? Forgiveness is healthy, but what happens if that someone lies to you time and time again? What if you catch your partner cheating? What if you catch them cheating a second time? What happens if someone refuses to give you space? What will you do if someone is disrespectful and constantly puts you down in front of others?Ā
Any of those sound familiar? Chances are youāve had your boundaries crossed before. What did you do about it? Nothing? Anything? Thatās because you need to have clear consequences for what will happen when one of your boundaries is crossed. This could mean having a tough conversation, reducing how much time you spend with someone, or cutting someone out of your life entirely.
Having clear boundaries will help you navigate your relationships with other people, as well as the one you have with yourself. Without boundaries, the world will walk all over you. Youāll be stuck saying yes over and over again, never taking the time you need for safety, health, and happiness.
Being able to authentically navigate your relationships with other people is essential to building self-confidence and self-trust. Developing boundaries and determining the consequences of having your boundaries crossed is trusting yourself to have your own back. You donāt need anyone to come to your rescue because you can trust YOU to be there for yourself. Nobody puts Baby in a corner!Ā
Learn more:Ā Why Personal Boundaries Are Important and How to Develop Them.
5. Spend Time Alone With Yourself
How often do you spend time alone? And I donāt mean sitting by yourself and watching TV. How often do you sit by yourself without distractions and reflect? Do you enjoy time by yourself, or do you hide and run away from it, filling every moment with a task or distraction so that you wonāt be left alone with your thoughts?
Your mind only has so much space. Think of your mind as a storage closet. Sure, thereās lots of room at first, so it seems perfectly reasonable to toss one more thing in there. But the more stuff you cram in, the less organized itās going to be, and the more likely it is that somethingās going to fall over and smack you on the head the next time you venture inside.Ā
Your mind is the same way. The longer you ignore your thoughts, the more likely they are to cascade through you the first moment youāre not distracted, which means the longer you ignore your own thoughts, the more difficult it will be to spend time alone. This doesn't mean you should avoid your inner voiceāit just means itās going to be tough to listen to at first, like riding a bike.
In order to trust yourself, work through your own thoughts and self-doubt. I want you to take the time to be alone with yourself, and in time, grow to enjoy your own company. You canāt have trust without communication, and if you never take the time to communicate with yourself, you wonāt be able to build self-trust, which means self-confidence and self-love will continue to be out of reach.
Because if you canāt communicate with yourself in a powerful way, how will you ever be able to communicate authentically with another? If you canāt trust what you feel and what you think when youāre alone, will you ever trust yourself to speak up and say whatās on your mind when youāre with another?Ā
Ready to learn more? Read my guide How to Love Yourself, which includes 7 critical Self-Love Tips.
Take That First Step
Your relationship with yourself is a unique one, and itās usually a challenging one, but itās the only one you can truly count on. This isnāt a relationship you can push aside, ignore, or cut out. You need to answer to yourself.
You donāt need to take a giant leap today⦠just one small step. One small step is all it takes. Trusting yourself is something that builds over time. Speaking up for yourself today helps you trust yourself more tomorrow. Admitting how you feel today gives you the courage to trust yourself to share those feelings with another tomorrow.Ā
It will take practice, especially if youāve spent so many years of your life without self-trust. Itās time to start building that trust againāone need, one boundary, one gratitude, one compassionate moment at a time.
My 10-week Fearless Living Transformation Program is based on decades of learning how to crack the secret code to fear, including all of the fears that keep us from trusting ourselves. With Fearless Living, youāll learn how to tell yourself the truth, treat yourself with compassion, identify your own needs, love your authentic self, and so much more. Letās get started!
Trust is a scary word for so many of us (myself included! šš¼āāļø) But when most of us think about trust, we think about trusting other peopleātrusting our partners, children, friends, family, coworkers, etc. Iām sorry, but I have some news youāre not going to want to hear. Trust is something you need to build with yourself FIRST, and thatās exactly what weāre going to discuss today. Letās learn why self-trust is important and how to trust yourself one step at a time.
Iāll share how to trust yourself and make confident decisions that you can stand by, as well as my own (continued) journey toward self-trust.
Why Donāt You Trust Yourself?
Trust is the backbone of any healthy, strong relationship. If you donāt trust your partner, youāre not going to last long, or you will continue bearing through a relationship that doesnāt fulfill you. Wanting to trust a romantic partner is something we can all understand and relate to, but what about the trust we hold with ourselves?
What does it mean to not trust yourself? To not trust yourself means:

- You second-guess every decision you make
- You donāt trust your own judgment
- You think you can only make a decision if others around you agree
- Youāre not able to stand up for yourself
- You have low self-esteem and lack confidence
- You always look to other people for the answers
- You believe everyone else has the answers, but you donāt
- You put yourself down either in your head or out loud to others
- You donāt have clear boundaries to protect your physical, mental, and emotional health
- You never or rarely take the time to look inward
- You feel uncomfortable spending time alone
- Youād rather stay busy than sit and reflect on your own thoughts and feelings
I spent many years of my life not trusting myself. I thought I was the one who was wrong, who didnāt fit in. I thought everyone else had the answers, but I did not. I didnāt trust myself enough to face the hard truths about my actions and where my life was headed.
I didnāt trust myself to listen to my own feelings or spend time alone. I didnāt trust myself enough to choose the right relationship or to put myself first. I didn't trust myself enough to follow my dreams or pursue any sort of passion.
In fact, every intimate relationship I had was fraught with trust issues. Because I didnāt trust myself, I thought the way to show my partner love was to trust them, even though they may not have earned it or deserved it.Ā
I thought love was trusting them. No. Matter. What.Ā
And because I didnāt trust myself, I never got to know myself, so for decades (yes, decades), I thought I was ālovingā by trusting them more than trusting myself. I ignored any of the red flags or warning signs I got because I took that as not trusting them. Well, you can imagine the mess that made in my relationships. All in the name of love, or so I thought.Ā
Oh boy, was I wrong. It wasnāt until I realized that if I didnāt trust myselfātrusted what I liked, trusted what I wanted, trusted what made me happy, etc.āI could never truly feel loved by myself or another.Ā
My journey to self-trust was long and complicated, as most peopleās relationships with themselves are. Trust is something you build over time; it takes hard work and a whole lot of introspection.
So, how do you trust and believe in yourself, and how do you get better at being honest with yourself even when the truth hurts? Letās find out.
How to Trust Yourself
1. Tell Yourself That You Are Enough (And Start Believing It)
Letās start with something so small, but oh-so-difficult for so many of us. Simply tell yourself that you are enough. I donāt mean later or some time in the future, I mean right now.
Repeat after me:
āI am enough exactly as I am.ā
āI am enough exactly as I am.ā
āI am enough exactly as I am.ā
How does it feel to say it out loud?Ā
Do you want to throw up? Are you secretly excited? Are you torn because you wish you believed that about yourself? You may be experiencing all these feelings and more.Ā
Thatās okay. Thatās normal. And, if you ever want to believe itās true, you gotta at least try to say it out loud to get used to hearing the words coming from your own mouth. If you want to go the extra mile, say it in the mirror eyeball to eyeball. It will give the words an added boost.Ā
Itās amazing what we refuse to say to ourselves for fear of what others will think of us, fear that weāre fooling ourselves, or fear that it could never happen for us.Ā
So spit in the eye of fear and letās practice saying it out loud, eyeball to eyeball, over and over again:Ā
āI am enough exactly as I am.ā
āI am enough exactly as I am.ā
āI am enough exactly as I am.ā
Yes. It will get easier and feel better with each practice session.
Oh, and I want to add this: if you never do another thing with your lifeāyou never write the next great novel or make a million dollars or open that business of your dreamsāyou've already done so much that youāve done enough. I know it may not feel that way, but weāre not talking about those feelings driven by fear. I am talking about the truth of who you are. And who you are at your core is enough. Because you are enough. Just as you are. Exactly as you are.Ā
This is the greatest gift you can give yourself today, and itās the first step you can choose to take in order to start trusting yourself. I want you to start believing this inside and out because thatās taking back your personal power. You donāt need permission or anyone elseās approval to believe that you are enough. You are the only YOU you have, and you can choose any time to begin accepting and loving who you are. Itās all up to you.
2. Work With Your FeelingsāNot Against Them
We all have feelings we wish we didnāt have.Ā
We feel jealous of our siblings when our parents seem to appreciate them more, even though we āknowā weāve been the favorite at one point too. We resent our business partner for closing a deal that should have been ours, even though we āknowā that their success is the companyās success. We feel small and ugly when we catch our spouse checking out another person, even though we āknowā they love us⦠and we just did the same thing five minutes ago.Ā Ā
Forget what you āknowā because itās irrelevant. Hereās the truth: what you āknowā doesnāt change what you feel.Ā
Denying your feelings wonāt make them go away. If you feel one way but are constantly denying that to yourself, youāre not telling yourself the truth, are you? So how can you trust yourself?Ā
Admit when you feel sad or when you feel mad or when you feel jealous. Those are your real feelings, and hiding them or pretending they donāt exist wonāt make them any less real. You need to acknowledge your feelingsāthe good, the bad, and the uglyāin order to build self-trust. Plus, once you acknowledge them, you can slowly begin to work through your feelings to discover whatās at the heart of them. And, in turn, learn how to shift them in the direction of compassion, empowermentāand yesātrust.Ā
3. Tell Yourself the Truth (With Compassion)
Trust is a two-way streetāand that goes for self-trust as well. In order to trust yourself, you need to tell the truth. Be honest with yourself. Do this with self-compassion, but be honest.
I donāt want to brush over the compassion part because it is essential. Being honest doesnāt mean saying to yourself, āHey Rhonda, youāre such an idiot for forgetting to take out the garbage again! You canāt even do this simple thing right.ā
Thatās negative self-talk, and it is completely unwelcome. Instead, come at it from a place of compassion. Would you say that to your kid, partner, or parent if they forgot to do something? No, you wouldnāt. Show that same compassion to yourself, but at the same time, donāt let yourself off the hook. Be honest.
āGive yourself a break, but donāt let yourself off the hook.ā - Rhonda Britten
Instead, you might say, āHey Rhonda, it seems like you often struggle to remember to take out the garbage with all of the other things you have going on. What about setting a weekly reminder to help you remember?ā
Be accountable to yourself because you are your own best friend. Mistakes are okay. Heck, theyāre more than okay! Theyāre natural and theyāre human! But donāt beat yourself up over them. You need to show yourself compassion when you tell yourself the truth.
Itās the honesty that will really help you dig deep into what's going on. Honesty will help you understand your needs, wants, and desires. I like to say:Ā
āThe more we tell ourselves the truth with compassion, the more that we can take responsibility and choose a new wayābreak the cycle.ā
4. Set Boundaries Based on Your Personal Needs
We ALL need boundaries! As much as your family or friends may like to act like that donāt exist, boundaries are important. What does this have to do with trust? You need to care and protect yourself in order to build trust. You do this by setting clear boundaries that keep you from physical, mental, and emotional harm.
Boundaries keep us from saying yes to our friend who asks if youāll help them move for a third time this year. Boundaries ensure we speak up when someone infringes on our personal space. Boundaries help us tell our family that we need a moment for self-care.
Setting clear boundaries helps us build and maintain our own identity, ensures we maintain our physical and mental health, and prevents feelings of anger and resentment from building up and boiling over.
So, what are your boundaries? I always recommend falling back on your own personal needs. What do you need to feel happy, healthy, and fulfilled? Each person's own needs are different, and thereās no right or wrong answer. Some examples of common needs include:
- Belonging
- Financial Stability
- Respect
- Space
- FaithĀ
- Spirituality
- Honesty
- Freedom
- Creativity
- Understanding
- Harmony
- Love
- Solitude
- Fairness
- CommunityĀ
What boundaries do you need to set to make sure those needs are met? And what are the consequences of having your boundaries crossed?
If one of your personal needs is honesty, what happens when someone lies to you? What are the consequences for breaking your trust? Forgiveness is healthy, but what happens if that someone lies to you time and time again? What if you catch your partner cheating? What if you catch them cheating a second time? What happens if someone refuses to give you space? What will you do if someone is disrespectful and constantly puts you down in front of others?Ā
Any of those sound familiar? Chances are youāve had your boundaries crossed before. What did you do about it? Nothing? Anything? Thatās because you need to have clear consequences for what will happen when one of your boundaries is crossed. This could mean having a tough conversation, reducing how much time you spend with someone, or cutting someone out of your life entirely.
Having clear boundaries will help you navigate your relationships with other people, as well as the one you have with yourself. Without boundaries, the world will walk all over you. Youāll be stuck saying yes over and over again, never taking the time you need for safety, health, and happiness.
Being able to authentically navigate your relationships with other people is essential to building self-confidence and self-trust. Developing boundaries and determining the consequences of having your boundaries crossed is trusting yourself to have your own back. You donāt need anyone to come to your rescue because you can trust YOU to be there for yourself. Nobody puts Baby in a corner!Ā
Learn more:Ā Why Personal Boundaries Are Important and How to Develop Them.
5. Spend Time Alone With Yourself
How often do you spend time alone? And I donāt mean sitting by yourself and watching TV. How often do you sit by yourself without distractions and reflect? Do you enjoy time by yourself, or do you hide and run away from it, filling every moment with a task or distraction so that you wonāt be left alone with your thoughts?
Your mind only has so much space. Think of your mind as a storage closet. Sure, thereās lots of room at first, so it seems perfectly reasonable to toss one more thing in there. But the more stuff you cram in, the less organized itās going to be, and the more likely it is that somethingās going to fall over and smack you on the head the next time you venture inside.Ā
Your mind is the same way. The longer you ignore your thoughts, the more likely they are to cascade through you the first moment youāre not distracted, which means the longer you ignore your own thoughts, the more difficult it will be to spend time alone. This doesn't mean you should avoid your inner voiceāit just means itās going to be tough to listen to at first, like riding a bike.
In order to trust yourself, work through your own thoughts and self-doubt. I want you to take the time to be alone with yourself, and in time, grow to enjoy your own company. You canāt have trust without communication, and if you never take the time to communicate with yourself, you wonāt be able to build self-trust, which means self-confidence and self-love will continue to be out of reach.
Because if you canāt communicate with yourself in a powerful way, how will you ever be able to communicate authentically with another? If you canāt trust what you feel and what you think when youāre alone, will you ever trust yourself to speak up and say whatās on your mind when youāre with another?Ā
Ready to learn more? Read my guide How to Love Yourself, which includes 7 critical Self-Love Tips.
Take That First Step
Your relationship with yourself is a unique one, and itās usually a challenging one, but itās the only one you can truly count on. This isnāt a relationship you can push aside, ignore, or cut out. You need to answer to yourself.
You donāt need to take a giant leap today⦠just one small step. One small step is all it takes. Trusting yourself is something that builds over time. Speaking up for yourself today helps you trust yourself more tomorrow. Admitting how you feel today gives you the courage to trust yourself to share those feelings with another tomorrow.Ā
It will take practice, especially if youāve spent so many years of your life without self-trust. Itās time to start building that trust againāone need, one boundary, one gratitude, one compassionate moment at a time.
My 10-week Fearless Living Transformation Program is based on decades of learning how to crack the secret code to fear, including all of the fears that keep us from trusting ourselves. With Fearless Living, youāll learn how to tell yourself the truth, treat yourself with compassion, identify your own needs, love your authentic self, and so much more. Letās get started!








