Especially MIDNIGHT on December 31st because I REFUSE to take anything I do not want into my next year.
REFUSE I TELL YOU! REFUSE. (Even if it scares the bejesus out of me.)
Years ago I was engaged to a man I was crazy nuts about. Crazy nuts should have been my warning sign but he was the first man I dated seriously after my divorce.
I so wanted to believe that I was worth loving that I found myself nearing the December 31st dateline with a ring on my finger and a crazy man in my bed.
Confession time: One of my “gifts” is the ability to turn any sour situation into balloons and ice cream. I am the Queen of turning lemons into lemonades.
(It’s one of the reasons I am such a gosh darn good coach. I can see possibilities and opportunities where most cannot.)
You name the situation, I guarantee you I can come up with the very reason it is going to be the best thing that ever happened to you or I can go into elaborate detail on how – eventually – you are going to be so grateful that what could have happened didn’t or how this “thing” you don’t like now, will be the very thing you need to push you out of the rut you’re in…
That’s true you know. Sometimes the hard times have to get harder to wake you up. Most people don’t make BOLD DECISIONS when their life is just okay.
Just an “OKAY” life is when most people settle in and just ride the “OKAY” train until, eventually, it gets derailed. (OH and it will get derailed…)
So here I was nearing the MAGICAL MIDNIGHT and I knew, absolutely knew, I could not, must not marry him.
But remember that wonderful gift I have? Yes, the one where I can turn any negative into a positive?
Well, that “gift” has also been my undoing many times. And in this situation, I had stayed longer because of it.
In fact, I had started feeling uneasy months before but had chickened out every time.
But today was December 31st and I knew I had to end it before the clock struck twelve.
So there we were watching the ball fall in Times Square and he turns to me all romantic and says,”You’re so lucky that I love you so much because I won’t leave you just because you are gaining weight.”
OH YES HE DID. YES, he said those very words to me.
And you know what fear did?
It agreed. Fear agreed with him.
I had gained weight. I wasn’t feeling hot and beautiful but more like pudgy and middle aged. So fear tried to tell me I WAS lucky. Yep. I should thank my lucky stars that anyone loves me right now.
Thank God for the MIDNIGHT HOUR. Without that, who knows how long I would have stayed.
Anywoo, back to my story . . . it was turning MIDNIGHT on the east coast…that gave me THREE HOURS before it became January 1 in Los Angeles.
We had been having problems (I bet you could have guessed that already) so when he turned to me and asked me what my goal was for the next year, the words just flew out of me. I couldn’t stop them.
“To Live True to Myself. To TRUST myself. To have the COURAGE to make decisions that are best for me….And…,” I said.
“Yes..,” he said all lovingly.
“And I just don’t think I am ready to get married. I don’t even know how to love me yet let alone know how to love you.” (That last bit was definitely true back then.)
Not a stitch of blame or hate came out of my mouth. I said it with as much love as I could. I was just a girl telling a boy she wasn’t ready for something so scary as marriage.
Then it happened.
The pushing. The shoving. The yelling.
I had already been scared to leave him before but now, I understood why. He wasn’t going anywhere graciously, lovingly.
I didn’t say a word. Not a peep. But I did dial the phone. I called my BFF Marta.
(Thank God she answered.)
Marta had worked for a battered woman’s hotline that year and immediately told me she was calling the police. I hemmed and hawed but she didn’t wait.
She gave the police my address and then stayed on the phone with me as he kept screaming just inches from my nose. His rage spitting out words at me.
Calling me horrible names. Telling me horrible things. Naming me things that were not true but if it had been earlier in my life, I would have believed him.
Marta kept me focused on the truth. She would say things like, “He’s lying to you” or “He’s just saying that to hurt you” or “Don’t listen to him.”
The police showed up 15 minutes later and escorted him around the house as he picked up his belongings and then he was gone.
Just like that. Gone.
It was a close call. Too much like my mothers. I trembled for days afterward.
That day was a huge step towards loving myself. I chose me instead of letting fear decide my fate (Heck, fear would have had me thanking him for staying with my chubby self.)
That day, I made a decision, a scary one for sure, on my behalf. I was my greatest advocate. I learned that loving yourself doesn’t have to cost you the love of another if they too, love themselves.
December 31st gives me courage to clean up my past. Every time.
Today is December 31st. (In just a bit, I am going to invite you to join me for something special. Read to the end to find out how I want to support you.)
Today is last day of the year to clean up anything I must so I don’t bring the remnants of regret or guilt or shame into the New Year.
Before I share what I am going to leave behind, I promised to share some tips to help you create your BEST YEAR (and your most loving year yet!)
Here’s FIVE THINGS you can do TODAY, and my New Year’s Eve Tradition!
1. Today’s the day to get off your back.
Yep. It’s time to forgive yourself (and anyone.)
On December 31st, I write down all the things I keep punishing myself or blaming myself for or making excuses about. All those regrets. All that shame. All the hurt. All that anger.
I write it all down and just let it all go.
Who cares if it seems petty or righteous. Doesn’t matter. Whatever is holding you back from being your best version of you, the you that you were born to be, has GOT TO GO!
Don’t judge yourself bad by how much you write. I say WRITE IT ALL DOWN to be done with it. The more you confess, the clearer you will be. So write it all down.
And don’t forget to include all the people you are keeping prisoners by your judgement and blame. Let them go too!
2. BURN IT. Or trash it. Or flush it. Just get rid of the gosh darn stuff.
This is part of your forgiveness process.
You know you gotta say GOOD BYE to all of it or it’s not really gone now is it?
If you pray, this is the time to say one.
I want to invite you….I am going to have a big burning tonight myself so if you want to, Email me at [email protected] and send me your list of pains and hurts that you would like burned up, I shall be happy and honored to do it.
Here’s how it’s gonna work.
If you would like me to burn your list, Email me and write down all the things in one email that you would like me to release for you. Tonight, I will PRAY for you, BURN the list for you and then COMPLETE the CYCLE so your past is GONE!
BURNING IS TAKING PLACE AT 8:00 pm pacific
3. OWN what’s working. Give yourself CREDIT!
Yep. It’s time to list what is working in your life. If you read my emails regularly, you know every November I ask you to write down 100 Gratitudes and 100 acknowledgements for the year.
Remember, Gratitudes – in the world of Fearless Living – are focused on other people. Acknowledgements are focused on you and your shifts. I want a 100 for each. (Of course, do the best you can.)
4. Letters of Thanksgiving.
Thank you letters. We don’t write near enough of them. Name the 10 most influential people in in your life, the ones that have impacted you the most, and WRITE THEM A THANK YOU letter.
This can be very healing and very freeing. When you are grateful, you banish fear, expand your abundance mindset and increase your consciousness. All good things right?
So write away. If you’d like, you could even mail them. Sometimes I do and sometimes I don’t. Use your discretion. Trust yourself.
5. NAME YOUR YEAR.
Now, that you’ve created some space by forgiving and burning plus added some confidence and grace through Acknowledgements and Gratitudes, it’s now time to NAME YOUR YEAR.
WAHOOO! I love this part.
I usually stick with ONE word, if I can. The point is to NAME YOUR YEAR something short and simple so you don’t forget it.
This will become your mantra anytime you’re not sure what to do or how to make a decision. This will become a way to help you focus on what matters to you throughout the year.
WAHOOOO! Five things that are so life-changing.
These five TIPS are my gift to you. I know they will make your year better. That’s a done deal for sure.
Tomorrow, I am going to share with you my WORD for next year and what I did to anchor it for myself. (Hint. It includes paint.)
When you complete the FIVE TIPS I shared with you, your burdens and doubts will be lifted, your head will be clearer and your heart will be lighter. You will feel more you. Automatically. (That’s the cool part!)
I will be doing these five TIPS myself today.
These FIVE TIPS are my NUMBER ONE PRIORITY TODAY. I am literally tilling the soil for my future so I am going to be very focused.
Remember, if you’d like, I would be happy to burn your regrets and shame and blame and self-hatred and anything else standing in your way tonight.
Be sure to Email me and I will happily burn your whole darn list tonight with PURE INTENTION and the full force of my fearless foundation.
BURNING will start right after sun down in Los Angeles at 8:00 pm pacific.
Know this: I love you. And I am so deeply grateful for your courage.
It’s December 31st…Walk into next year committed to being YOU. Let’s do this together…
Here’s to a Fearless Year!