Everyday in my business I hear about folks falling in and out of love. I have always been perplexed by that…how does one fall in and out of love?
I’ve discovered that what they call falling in and out of love is not the ‘love for another’ but the love of their own projected image of that person. As Dr. Stan has told me, true love is having a real, authentic desire to accept a person as they are not the way you’d like them to be. I realize that’s a hard one but anything less isn’t love.
It has been proven, in study after study, that the first stage of love can last anywhere from 3 months to 2 years. Somewhere in that time frame you get a wake-up call and it usually makes you question whether this person is the one for you. Great question. Too bad most people don’t ask it while they are dating but instead, wait until the mad rush of love isn’t quite there. Then they decide to take the time to determine if the person is ‘right’ for them.
Ladies and gentlemen, please be willing to love yourself enough to ask yourself serious questions about whether the man or woman you are dating has the same intentions towards life or a similiar value system. Now, what’s fascinating is when you are truly willing to practice loving yourself in that way, the love you attract is quite different than the love you experienced before.
And what’s even more fascinating, when you practice loving people for who they are (not who you wish they would be) then you truly discover the gift that person can be to your life.
It’s no secret that I’m in love and yes, I’m in the first phase of love and yes, I’ve had a few wake-up calls. And what I’m most proud of is the way I’ve handled those wake-up calls.
What is a wake-up call? You know that moment when your mate does something and you can’t quite believe that the love-of-your-life is capable of such behavior, i.e. eating sushi with a fork or going to bed with workout sweat or not brushing their teeth for an entire day or even worse, giving you the same look your mother gave you when you knew you were in trouble or forgetting your birthday or getting angry at you for something you deem silly or walking out during a fight, etc.
You know, those moments when you ask yourself some version of: Have I made a mistake? When the wake-up call hits, you might want to run out the door screaming or call your best friend and claim an alien has taken over your mate or just pack up and leave telling yourself “It’s not worth it.”
I’ve realized wake-up calls are when I truly am my most loving. It is when I decide to love, not necessarily because I feel it. Trust me on this one…it isn’t always easy.
Mr. Love-A-Lot is not always easy to love until…I decide to see his innocence when he isn’t making sense or choose to move towards him when I want to run away or speak first when I secretly want him to get on his knees and beg forgiveness. I realize I must act loving if I am going to feel loved. If not, the love I feel will be fleeting and I will be falling in and out of love depending on his lastest thought, word or deed.
I don’t know about you but I want to experience true love, authentic love, great love. The funny thing is I’ve realized it has little to do with the other person and everything to do with breathing through my fear and being willing to be vulnerable when it is the last thing I want to do.
It’s my willingness to love first that makes me truly fearless.