How To Feel Better About Yourself: 4 Lessons I’ve Learned

Date Published: Mar 20, 2022
I am so excited to talk about this because feeling good about myself was such a difficult process for me and for so many of the lovely people who become members of Fearless You. It’s such a common struggle, and if we don’t address it, it can completely run our lives. 

Not feeling good about yourself terribly impacts every area of your life. When you don’t feel good about yourself, you lack power, control, enthusiasm, willpower, and confidence. The lack of confidence you feel can keep you from pursuing what you love, forging meaningful relationships, advancing your career, being your authentic self, trying new things, and living the life your soul intended. 

I’m going to outline four strategies that will help you feel better about yourself, including four small ways you can put that advice into action. The advice and tips will help you, and you have tons of support at Fearless Living 💗, but at the end of the day, no one can do the actual work for you. You’re the one who needs to take the leap that will change your life for the better. You need to make the time for yourself or forever be stuck in the same loop of fear, negativity, and self-doubt.

If you want to feel better about yourself, the first thing you must do is be honest with yourself. Do you not feel as good as you'd like because deep-down you worry you're not good enough and fear you never will be? Or are you waiting for your job to notice you, your weight to be perfect, or your family to tell you how proud they are of you? 

Here's the truth. You. Are. Enough.

You just don’t know it yet, and it’s holding you back from growing and living a beautiful life. One where you can accept yourself as you are, not as how you wish yourself to be. And if you can do that with honesty and grace, you can begin to feel comfortable doing other things that aren’t the norm for you—speaking up at work when you don’t agree with someone, feeling beautiful when you look in the mirror, being ok with where your checking account is at, feeling you have a right to be respected...you get the idea. And you’ll have the energy for more inner work, too, without that little voice of “I probably screwed up that life coach’s assignment” if you feel change is possible and you’re worth it.

It’s never too soon for you to learn how to feel better about yourself, and it’s time for you to prioritize your own self-worth, self-esteem, and self-confidence. Let’s get started!

How To Feel Better About Yourself

Now, there are a boatload of strategies to help you feel better about yourself, but we have to start somewhere. This post will outline four steps that you can implement today. If you start feeling a tiny bit better about yourself today, that’s one step closer to becoming your best fearless self, and one step closer to living the life your soul intended™.

1. Treat Yourself With Compassion

Let’s start with compassion because it is so, so, SO important, and it’s one of the three daily practices of Fearless Living: Compassion, Honesty, and Personal Responsibility.

Having compassion for others is important too, but it needs to start with you. You need to treat yourself with compassion at all times. Before you’re honest with yourself, and before you take personal responsibility, you need to have self-compassion. Give yourself a break!

Remember: There’s never a reason to beat yourself up. Be gentle with yourself, and be kind. Understand that you won't be perfect, and you won't get it right every time. You’re going to make mistakes. You’re going to tune out every once in a while. You’re going to forget something. All of that is okay. And you're okay when it happens.

Candidate sourcing and nurture ebook - dropping the ball

You’re only human—and human beings ARE NOT PERFECT. Not anywhere close. We are filled with nuance, quirks, and fears. Here's the truth: The things you aren't willing to be compassionate about keep you trapped. Self-compassion is a necessary ingredient in order to grow, and with practice, you'll get better and better at it.

As I always say: Do what you can, when you can, the best you can.

Put it into action: Self-compassion is something you grow. Think of it like the garden you need to care for and water. You need to train yourself to feel compassion toward yourself, and this takes time. Treat compassion like a skill or muscle. You need to practice it in order for it to become second nature, and you need to keep practicing it or you’ll begin to lose it. Give yourself a break and don’t ever expect perfect results. Remember, never beat yourself up. Show up for yourself, try your best, and congratulate yourself for being gentle with yourself. (And no, gentleness isn’t weak.)

2. Stop With the Negative Self-Talk

Do you constantly give yourself negative self-talk? Do you criticize yourself either out loud or in your head? Do you beat yourself up over the tiniest things? Do you have that little voice saying you’re not good enough? Or you aren’t doing enough? You don’t have enough? You aren’t enough?

This👏🏻 has👏🏾 to👏🏼 stop👏🏽

It’s going to be a tough habit to break if you aren't giving yourself self-compassion. With self-compassion as your foundation, it's a heck of a lot easier to leave Mr. Meanie behind. Because you and I know those negative thoughts and words are holding you back. They are trapping you in a cycle of self-doubt, which is keeping you from truly becoming your fearless self. (This is so not okay with me!💗) 

It may seem like a simple comment, or joke, or a snide remark. But the words you say out loud and the ones you say inside your head have a profound impact on how you feel about yourself. Maybe you tossed out “oh, I’m not smart enough to go back to school” or “I’m not creative enough to make anything” or “I’m not attractive enough to find a partner.”

These words are not nothing. They are chaining you to your doubts, insecurities, and fears. How can you expect other people to feel good about you and respect you when you don’t even give yourself that respect?

💙 How do you talk to yourself? Watch my Facebook video if you need to stop putting yourself down.

It’s time to stop doubting yourself, and it’s time to stop beating yourself up. It’s time to stop feeling like you’re just not good enough. Because you ARE good enough. (In fact, you're more than good enough.)

Put it into action: Watch out for negative self-talk. The next time you catch yourself in the middle of it, take a few seconds and breathe. Ask yourself: Do you want to keep talking to yourself like this? If the answer is no, you now have a choice. I invite you to repeat after me: I'm doing what I can when I can the best I can." And choose to believe it. Next, write down three or more acknowledgments about what you ARE doing. Not how well you're doing it. 

Write down (with a pen and paper!) what you come up with and put it somewhere you can find again. Keep adding to your list and come back to it whenever you feel negative self thoughts forming.

3. Let Go of What Other People Think

Do you worry about what loved ones, family members, co-workers, classmates, or complete strangers think about you? Worrying about what other people think is very common, and it can stem from a fear of failure or rejection or judgment. These fears make you hyper-conscious of what people think, leading you to adapt your personality and opinions to fit the environment or social situation you’re in.

When I was in college, I was terrified to raise my hand in class. I thought that asking questions meant I was stupid. If I raised my hand, I’d be telling the entire class: “Hey! Rhonda Britten here. I’m stupid and I don’t have the answers!”

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I cared so deeply about what other people thought that I made up stories to justify why I shouldn’t ask questions. I was holding myself back. My fear of looking stupid showed up in many areas of my life. If someone said something I didn’t understand, I would nod and smile and say, “Yeah, uh-huh, I totally get that.”

I spent so much time worrying about what people thought that I began to beat myself up about every tiny interaction I had with other people. I was ruining my self-esteem and happiness all because of that core fear and repeated notion inside myself that I wasn’t smart enough.

In fact, it was only me who thought I wasn’t smart enough, and I was putting that out into the world by feeling it over and over again. I was trapped in a self-fulfilling prophecy—my fear of what others thought of me was making it come true because I kept myself from learning and shut myself off from asking the questions I needed to ask.

Other people are thinking about you far less than you think they are. And if they do have negative thoughts about you, that’s out of your control. You can control your own feelings and actions. You can’t control someone else’s feelings or actions. Understanding your circle of control will help you prioritize what you can do something about—and what you can’t.

Put it into action: When it comes to other people in your life, consider your circle of control. There’s no use wasting energy on all of the things you can’t control when you could focus that energy on what you can control. You can control your own actions, how you treat yourself, and how you treat other people. You can’t control what other people think.

The energy you will save not worrying about what other people think can be redirected toward your own happiness and wellbeing. You only have so much energy available, so make sure you make the most of it.

4. Prioritize Self-Care and Self-Love

Your mental health and wellbeing matter, and it’s all connected to how you feel about yourself. If you aren’t feeling good about yourself, chances are you're not giving your body, mind, and soul the care that they so desperately need. And, if you’re not taking the time for self-care and self-love, more negative thoughts will grow and fester dimming your light.

And you, my fearless one, have a right to shine. Yet, in order to do so, you must decide to take care of yourself and give yourself love. Listen to your body—what does it need? If you're tense, take a break and stretch. If you’re anxious, stop for a breathing exercise. If you feel worn down, get outside for a walk in the fresh air.

Stop holding back your own needs and start honoring what you want. Give yourself permission to take a break now and again. In fact, neuroscience says that we need to take breaks in order to maintain productivity and creativity. That break is necessary to embody the changes you're making. So think twice about skipping lunch or rushing through a meal at your desk. Breaks reward your brain helping you maintain energy and focus throughout the day.

The other side of self-care and love is recognizing what’s hindering your wellness. If you can't see what you are doing, you can't change it. So truth time. Are you giving yourself too much junk food when your body is yearning for anything green? Are you spending way too much time doom scrolling social media when you could be focusing your energy elsewhere? Do you get caught up checking phone notifications at night when you could be treating your body to a healthy bedtime routine?

Put it into action: Pick one self-care habit you want to add to your daily life this month and repeat that habit every day for 30 days. That's because practice, or repetition, is the best way to turn the things you want to change into the things that did change.

You could go for a walk every day, complete a five-minute meditation, drink a glass of water when you wake up, put your phone away an hour before bed, or write down something you’re grateful for every morning. It’s completely up to you, but keep it simple. It needs to be a small habit that you’ll be able to accomplish every day. Mark your progress on a calendar, in the Daily Training Manual, or a generic habit tracker.

💗 Learn more in my article How To Love Yourself: 7 Self-Love Tips You'll Love.

Feel Better About Yourself By Living Fearlessly

If you want to dig deeper into feeling better about yourself and becoming your most fearless self, you’ll need to ask some tough questions. Discovering the core fear that drives you will help you break free from all that’s holding you back.

Learn more about the 10 Most Common Types of Fear—I’m sure you’ll relate to at least a few. 

I’ve been a life coach for over 25 years, and I can tell you with certainty that whatever it is you’re struggling with, there’s a core fear behind it. Only by learning more about what’s keeping you stuck can you finally break free and live the life your soul intended™.

My Fearless You membership program is based on decades of learning how to crack the secret code to fear. It’s a one-stop-shop with everything you need to master fear, feel better about yourself, and build unshakable confidence. You'll gain access to ALL of my premium courses, plus the chance to work with me and my coaches every month! We’ll work with you on one key life area after another, so you can finally prioritize your beautiful self.

The Foundation of It all

In her groundbreaking seminal work, Rhonda Britten shows you how to master the emotional fears that keep you stuck in old cycles. Fearless Living is the foundation for all of Rhonda’s work, and it gives you an overview of her philosophies on how fear can take your life captive.

Enter your name and email address below to receive Rhonda's Fear of the Unknown course.

By Rhonda Britten

Rhonda, voted America’s Favorite Life Coach is here to help you get unstuck. “Everyone needs Fearless Living”- Oprah Winfrey With her acclaimed method called Fearless Living, Rhonda Britten has helped thousands of people let go of indecision, gain clarity of purpose, and take life-changing risks. Her work exposes the roots of fear and gives you the tools to move beyond that insidious universal feeling of “not being good enough.” The result is unstoppable confidence and a world of unlimited possibilities.

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