I'll never forget the sleepless nights I spent tossing and turning...
Do I leave or stay? Do I quit or try again? Do I keep pretending? Or the hell with it?
It felt like those were my only two options: Pretend or the hell with it.
But during every one of those sleepless nights pretending didn't help and neither did throwing the baby out with the bathwater and saying, "What the hell." Those choices didn't get me the result I wanted.
See the problem was, for most of my life (Girl Scouts honor!) I didn't know how to speak up. I didn't know how to ask for what I wanted. I didn't know how to say no and mean it. I didn't know how to share my feelings without falling apart.
In fact, the most frequent health problem I've had is laryngitis. Yep, losing my voice. It starts with a tickle in my throat and the next thing I know, I'm downing bee pollen extract and a little extra vitamin C while I wait it out.
Always when I'm dying to speak, my throat closes up.
Oh and if I go to an energy healer, invariably they will point out that my throat chakra is closed.
Tell me something I don't know?
My voice. Where was it when I needed it most?
When I wanted to share my feelings with the man I loved? Poof. It was gone.
When I wanted to ask for help with a problem at work? Shut down for sure.
When I wanted to suggest which restaurant we'd hit? Nope. The only words that came out of my mouth were, "You decide. I'm good with anything."
I wanted a better life, a bolder life, a more real, authentic life but I didn't know how to get it. My voice just wouldn't cooperate. And the most frustrating thing is I KNEW I should speak up but...I didn't know how to unleash my voice. It felt scary. Powerful. Big.
So there I lay...staring up at the ceiling waiting for my life to change.
Does this remind you of anyone?
Do you find yourself shutting down at critical moments when you know you should open your mouth to speak but find that nothing comes out?
Does it happen more at work when you're under pressure or you have something important to contribute?
Or are you like me, and freeze up in your most intimate relationships? I'll never forget a boyfriend practically begging me to tell him what I needed. I just stared. Speechless. Needs? Oh that was just too scary...
To this day my voice is one of the key ways I can discern whether I'm walking around in fear or in freedom.
When I'm strong and centered, my voice is like a tree rooted to the ground. The pitch is lower, the tone is firm and I have all the time in the world to say what needs to be said.
When I'm freaking out inside, the words are hard to find, I stumble and mumble and my pitch starts reaching upwards. It's almost like I'm trying to chase it, grab it and bring it back down to earth.
But now I know what to do in those situations.
No longer does my voice shut down and stop me from speaking up. No more does fear decide whether my words matter. Never again will I wither in the corner waiting to be heard.
Are you ready to own your voice more powerfully and claim it as your own?
Do you want to have more courage to speak up and say what's true for you?
How about sharing feelings, and making requests and just admitting what you want?
If the answer is yes, then come and learn all I know about how to claim your Fearless Voice. You do have one in there somewhere. Let's find it together and unleash its power in a safe and loving place.
Let me know if you want to join me. I'm ready to share all I know...
P.S. By the way, I've gotten my best sleep since I learned how to speak up. No more worrying or wondering, instead, you let your heart and Fearless Voice lead the way.