I just got back from Toronto. While there, I taught my second Fearless Foundation Workshop (FFW) of the year. I love facilitating change and this workshop was extra special because it had more men attending than any other FFW I have had the pleasure of leading.
There were husbands and fathers, boyfriends and business owners and Mr. Love-A-Lot. That's right, Mr. Love-A-Lot participated in the workshop. Now, most people would assume that he was interested in taking it for his own personal transformation. Well, that may have been the result but it wasn't the intention.
Mr. Love-A-Lot attended for me. See I have had a secret fear that until Mr. Love-A-Lot saw me in action, he would never really know all of me. Sure, he knows the woman who rock climbs (teehee) and the woman who is attempting motherhood and the woman who loves him while she is working around the house or doing a load of laundry. But there was a nagging question in the back of my mind: If he doesn't see me speaking or facilitating, doing what I love, can he truly know (love) me?
I suppose I could think of a plumber or waiter or computer expert or CEO and say to myself, "Well, their mate may not see them at work, in the field, doing what they do best and their mates love them anyway. So what's the difference?"
Maybe there isn't any. Let's face it, how many of our mates see us while we are working? Few, I am sure. Maybe it's different because Mr. Love-A-Lot COULD see me if he wanted to. I don't know the answer but I have known that I wanted, or should I say, needed him to see me in my full power.
I know this had little, if nothing, to do with him. Sure, I secretly wanted him to think I was amazing. And yes, I secretly wanted him to drool all over me. But I was well aware that would probably not be how Mr. Love-A-Lot would react. And I was right.
He enjoyed it. He even loved it. And yes, he did gain some tools and skills. And after asking him what he thought, he did tell me I was amazing...but he was not starry eyed but neither was he intimidated. He just took it in and processed it in a way that was his way.
Was my intention fulfilled? Yes, it was. See, I am not interested in Mr. Love-A-Lot thinking I am the greatest thing since sliced bread. I don't need him to puff me up or act like I'm important. That doesn't feel real to me or honest.
What I do want is a man who is willing to explore what love is. Attending the weekend proved to me that he was just the man I thought he was....willing to practice loving me, and himself, in any and all circumstances.
Practice being the key word. I asked him to attend the workshop. He agreed to attend. But he decided to participate on his own. When he made the switch from attending to participating, I knew he was ready for more...more of me, more of him, more of life.
And I fell in love all over again.