It didn't matter how many compliments I got. Or how many people said they liked me. I never ever believed them.
I mean, come on. I knew all the rotten things I had done. All the secrets I hadn't told. All the lies I had to keep up because if I didn't then something bad would happen.
If anyone knew the truth of who I really was then they wouldn't be saying they like me.
Oh I knew the right thing to say to all those lovely compliments, "Oh thank you so much" with a big giant smile on my face.
Then that compliment would brush right off my back and I'd say, "SEE YA" as it floated away...
I couldn't believe them. Or take them in. That would have been fooling myself. That would have made me a fake...
And ya know what happened to me during those years: Not Much.
My self-esteem was in the gutter (but I would never have admitted that).
My confidence was stalled (I couldn't get my dreams off the ground).
Because nothing I accomplished or the compliments I received SUNK IN. Nothing STUCK.
I wouldn't let it because I didn't think I deserved those compliments or those accomplishments or ....
Are compliments hard for you to accept?
Do you have difficult time receiving love?
Ever feel like you'd love someone to help you but you just can't ask?
Oh gosh, I know those feelings.
Have you ever felt like that?
Here's what I learned. An inability to accept compliments points to a lack of self love.
An ability to acknowledge your accomplishments points to the same.
Not able to take in the love others give you? DITTO!
You need more self-love.
In 1956, psychologist Eric Fromm proposed that loving oneself is different from being arrogant, conceited or egocentric. He proposed that loving oneself means caring about oneself, taking responsibility for oneself, respecting oneself, and knowing oneself (e.g. being realistic and honest about one's strengths and weaknesses). He proposed, further, that in order to be able to truly love another person, a person needs first to love oneself.
And to do what Eric Fromm says, to practice loving yourself you need courage, commitment and support.
Courage to do things you are scared to do...
Commitment to follow-through...
We both know, to do either of those things, you have to have support.
Because without support, you won't do the hard things.
Without support, you won't feel safe enough to make those changes.
So the question on the table is: Do you want to not only accept compliments but believe them too?
Do you want to be able to reach out, feel loved and accepted for being you? No faking. No giving yourself away. No secrets.
It really comes down to one thing:
You gotta DECIDE to love yourself. You gotta decide that you ARE worth loving (Whether you believe it fully or not).
I get it isn't easy. Heck, it took me years.
But you've got me. And I've been on this road. I've done these things. I've gone from not believing to not only believing, but living in the love.
Freedom in love starts with loving yourself. It's hard to be healthy in any relationship if you don't have a foundation of self-love.