Have you ever avoided a difficult conversation? I mean, come on. You’re smart and evolved enough to know you should speak up but do you find yourself doing anything but?
If you are like me, I didn’t speak up for YEARS because I don’t know what to say or how to say it without sounding sarcastic, blaming or like a big ol’ complainer.
It didn’t matter if it was talking to UPS Customer Service or my latest love. Speaking up…well, it was HARD. I wanted to sound empowered and professional and smart. But because I didn’t know how to do it well, I would stammer, stall and avoid any conversation I thought was hard. (And sadly, I didn’t get my needs met, get support or feel loved for DECADES.)
Does this ever happen to you? You want to be smart and kind, you want to be empowering and supportive but you just don’t know how to do it…I soooo get it. Fear is such a trickster.
Let me tell you about a time recently where fear wanted to take me down.
Last week, a good friend of mine called and invited me to this really cool event. My friend shared who would be there, what the event was about…it all sounded, well, cool. Plus my friend had attended this same event last so she KNEW it was cool. How can I refuse?
I told her to send over the invite. I am sooo going, I thought to myself.
I opened up the invite and saw the name of the person hosting it. GRRRRR. I thought. My bitter enemy (said sarcastically.)
Okay, the person wasn’t really my bitter enemy (I don’t have any) but she is one of the few people that I genuinely just don’t like. (Yes, it’s true. I have preferences for the type of people I like to hang out with too.)
You can judge me if you must but I’ve tried to like her. She’s just not my cup of tea.(Do you have anyone in your life like this?)
Let’s just call this mutual acquaintance, Sally.
Now Sally is the reason I wrote the chapter FEAR JUNKIES in my first book, Fearless Living. HELLOOOOOOOOOOO! I named a chapter after her!
Sally is the reason I named one of the FEAR JUNKIES: Rivals in Disguise
I wrote that section FOR Sally.
I haven’t thought of Sally very often over the last few years. She isn’t part
of my immediate circle of friends so I didn’t HAVE to think about her.
But now I am living back in LA where Sally lives and GULP…
My first thought was, “Ugh, I want to avoid her.”
My second thought was, “She’s the devil.” (justifying my first thought)
My third thought, “I am not going if she’s going.”
My fourth thought, “But I want to go.”
My fifth thought, “I can’t avoid her the rest of my life.”
My sixth thought, “Rhonda, if you don’t go to event you are letting Sally run your life.”
My seventh thought, ” GRRRRR.”
My eighth thought, “Crapola. I have some work to do. Because I don’t want Sally to decide if go to the event or not. It’s time to deal with this.”
You get the picture.
By the time I hit the EIGHTH thought I KNEW fear was running my life if I let Sally’s presence determine my actions.
But remember, I didn’t really think I was avoiding Sally all those years. She was in my immediate circle and because I didn’t HAVE to see her, I had convinced myself I was no longer bothered by her.
Boy, was I WRONG.
I wanted to avoid Sally at all costs. And fear told me, it was for a good reason.
She had betrayed me. (A story for another time…)
But that was YEARS AGO I rationalized. Why can’t I just be over it?
Well, I didn’t get over it because I never dealt with it. I just swept it under the carpet and tried to pretend it/she didn’t matter.
Now, think about your life…
Is there anyone you are secretly avoiding?
Anyone you would like to forget allll about?
Someone you don’t want to TALK to?
Is there a person you get tongue-tied around?
I get it. If you are like me, fear is stopping you from getting the skills and support you need to MOVE FORWARD and become a masterful communicator.
I don’t want fear to run my life and I don’t want fear to run your life either.
What did I have to do?
Be willing to TALK to Sally. But how? What do I say? It all came down to the EIGHT Communication SKILLS I am going to teach you so you can do the same: Talk to anyone, anytime about anything.
Sally is the reason I decided it’s time to teach Fearless Conversations.
It is one of my most popular classes and absolutely critical to anyone
who wants to be heard and never feel rejected again.
If you want to become a better parent,
or be seen as a leader,
or make more money,
or get better at love,
you must become an EXPERT COMMUNICATOR.