Everyone wants success in some form or another. We want success in love, work, home, family, etc., and that’s because success means you’re feeling good and on the right path, living your purpose and feeling passionate about your life. It can feel like you’re on top of the world and things are going your way. It’s a universal want—UNLESS you are living through someone else’s version of success.
And that’s exactly what we’re going to get into today.
What about YOUR version of success? Have you ever taken the time to pull yourself away from what other people want and hope and need for you? Do you have clear goals and a personal definition about what success looks like for yourself?
This post is all about fear of success. We’ll break down what emotional fears are, what causes fear of success, and actionable strategies you can use to manage your fears and begin living the life your soul intended.™
A Fearless Living Introduction: Overcoming Fear
While you may have a very real fear of spiders, heights, or the dark, at Fearless Living, when we talk about fear, we’re talking about emotional fears. Emotional fears cause us to make decisions that lead us further away from living the life our soul intended.™ Emotional fears keep us trapped; they keep us from realizing our goals, dreams, and desires.
The 10 most common emotional fears are:
- Fear of Failure
- Fear of Success
- Fear of Intimacy
- Fear of the Unknown
- Fear of Loneliness
- Fear of Not Being Good Enough
- Fear of Loss
- Fear of Change
- Fear of Being Judged
- Fear of Rejection
We’re working through all of the most common emotional fears on the Fearless Living blog, one by one. If you are unfamiliar with the Fearless Living philosophy on fear and want a better understanding of the difference between common phobias and emotional fears, read: 10 Common Types of Fear.
Why Am I Scared of Being Successful?
What is the fear of success called in scientific terms? Have you ever heard of a phobia called “anthrophobia?”
Okay, so what is anthrophobia? When people speak of success phobia, they may use that phrase instead. At Fearless Living, and throughout this article, we’ll keep things simple and use fear of success instead.
Fear of success is a complicated one because, on the surface, it doesn’t sound quite real. You might be thinking, “Rhonda, I want success! How could I fear success?” Or, “Rhonda, doesn’t everyone want success for themselves? How could anyone be afraid of that?”
But the issue with a fear of success is that it can keep you in a perpetual state of fantasy where self-awareness is just out of reach. Fear of success creates an overestimation of your skills and a narcissistic opinion of yourself.
For example, if you fear succeeding and you want to write a book, you might fantasize that you will have to prepare to become a New York Times bestseller. Because, of course, if you write a book, everyone will want it, praise it, and you may even win awards for your abilities, right?
But is that going to happen? It might, but it also shows you’re focusing on the wrong thing. Real success isn’t always about results. It’s about your own journey and internal satisfaction. In this fantasy scenario, you are so far in the future thinking about your success as an author that you end up thinking way too much about what could go wrong. You’ll associate success with the possible rejection you might face after attaining success or feel anxious about the idea of following up your first great success, etc.
You end up in a fantasy land where you don’t put in the work. You get carried away with that fantasy of success, and then a cascade of feelings happen. You could feel guilty about what that success may mean for your life and how it would impact others. From there, it’s super easy to slip into worry and stop actively pursuing the thing you really want to do.
That’s because fear of success exposes all of the holes inside our dreams. All the ways success could lead to ultimate failure, being alone, or worse, being rejected. That doesn’t mean you can’t have those dreams, but your fear is going to point out all that could go wrong. And it’s so scary that you end up giving up on your dream entirely.
The real hard truth is that hard work is absolutely necessary for your success. You must put in the work: the growing, the refining, the learning. And yes, you must even let go of what other people think or your need for their approval. No matter how far you are in your success fantasies, you need to bring yourself back to your current reality. Focus on what’s in front of you, one step at a time.
Now, this isn’t the only thing that you could experience when it comes to a fear of success. Sometimes our version of success isn’t actually what we want, but we get so caught up believing that success means it has to be this version of success that we can’t pull ourselves away from it to see what is truly in our hearts.
This happened to me in a major way many years ago.
When I was an actress, I came to the startling conclusion over many months that I didn’t want to be a full-time actress. I did not want to act in movies or be on TV. (Ironically, when I changed my path and became a Life Coach, it led to starring in 600 episodes of television! 😅)
Before I realized this, I was already sabotaging my success (hello fear of success) because I feared that if I became a successful actress, my friends would turn on me, no man would want me, and I would be alone forever.
I had to do a lot of work on myself to embrace that version of my fear of success. When I did, I started working more, not less. And my other fears that stemmed from my fear of success did not come true. To be honest, I was shocked. You mean I could be successful and not alone? This is what my fear of success convinced me would happen.
That’s how tricky the fear of success is. It tries to convince you that being successful is selfish, you’ll never be able to top your first hit, or you will be alone forever.
Yet, the more I became a “working actress” with Screen Actors Guild (SAG) insurance to boot, the less I loved acting. I realized I liked acting class—it was the first time I could feel my feelings in a safe place, be honest about those same feelings, and express them—but I didn’t like acting on stage or screen. It was a huge ah-ha moment that only happened when I was willing to embrace my fear of success. And because I had worked through that fear, I was willing to work through my next fear: leaving acting behind—a dream I had since I was a little girl dancing on the driveway to the radio.
I had to admit to myself that becoming an actress was not my heart’s desire. I had to give up my dream of being an actress. I had to give up years of hard work pursuing that goal. And this was no small feat, but by digging deep and confronting my fears, I realized my true journey was down a different path.
I decided, consciously, to pursue something different. But while I was letting go of that dream, fear was trying to tell me how foolish I was, stupid even. “Rhonda, you’re losing time and traction.” “If you leave now, you will never succeed at anything.” And it even said things like, “You’re just scared.” But the funny thing is I knew I wasn’t afraid of success as an actress anymore. What I was really afraid of was being successful as Rhonda.
Your fear might convince you that changing directions is giving up or that it will mean you wasted all of that time. I had been working on being an actress for years at that point and I had to start over at the age of 32 years old.
For some people, that twisted version of your fear of success will stop you from admitting that what you’re doing isn’t fulfilling you at all. You might be so afraid of changing directions that you never allow yourself to find the path you were always meant to take. Because for many people, fear of success isn’t about what you’re trying to accomplish; it’s about being afraid you can’t be successful being authentically you. So it tries to convince you to stick it out doing what you hate because you could at least be successful at that. Don’t want to waste that time, it says.
Or maybe you’ll relate to this: did your parents always want you to be a doctor? Or a lawyer? Or an engineer? Or a business owner? Have you ever felt pressured to pursue someone else’s dream, whatever that might be?
You may not even have realized at first that this dream or goal was not actually what you wanted. But when you’re faced with the reality of actually succeeding in the role that someone else chose for you, that twisted fear of success kicks in. But after all that hard work and the yearning not to disappoint someone, it’s so hard to break free and follow your own path. So you feel stuck, so stuck you may even be unconsciously sabotaging your future success because whether you know it or not, it’s not what you want.
So, how do you push beyond a fear of success? Let’s go over some strategies you can begin implementing today.
How to Move Beyond a Fear of Success
In my How to Overcome Fear Series, which is available inside Fearless You, I dig deeper into the definition, causes, symptoms, and underlying issues that add to a fear of success. As a reminder, this article only scratches the surface of tackling and finally curing your fears. Start here, but then I encourage you to dig deeper, continue learning, and continue making progress toward living the life your soul intended.™
1. Determine Your Own Definition of Success
The first step in moving beyond your fear of success is determining what success actually means to you. Be honest. What is your definition of success?
What does success really mean? Not somebody else’s definition. Your definition.
And not a definition that’s determined by society or a long list of external factors. Your definition of success must come from within or you will never ever be able to attain it or gain the benefit when you do. Let’s say you do publish that novel and it’s a bestseller and you have more money and fame than you know what to do with. What then? It won’t mean anything if you don’t feel that success on the inside. Your fear will take over. You will still worry about what other people think and whether or not your family loves you.
So, if we move beyond thinking success is only money, fame, and fortune, what does it look like?
What makes you feel truly happy? What makes you feel truly satisfied? Which moments in your life have you felt most at ease and content? What qualities of being are most important to you?
Just as an example, my definition of success is full self-expression. Am I expressing myself fully? It’s one of the reasons I thrive when I write, speak in front of crowds, and train coaches. But it doesn’t only apply to what I do. It also applies to how I am in relationships. If I have a need, with this definition, I must express it. If I need help, I must ask. If I want to go to a different restaurant than what you suggest, I have to say it.
It doesn’t mean I always get what I want, but I must, must, MUST express what’s moving through me—appropriately, of course. Are there times I choose to stay quiet? Sure. But first I ask myself: Am I afraid to express myself, or do I not feel the need to? I want to have integrity with my definition of success. I’m still a work in progress. But that’s the cool thing; I always will be.
There are always moments in my life or times when I’m with someone in particular where fear may get the best of me, when I’m wondering who is in charge right now: Fear, or my soul? I check in with my definition of success.
I have a lot of creativity, and I want to fully express myself in my career, and my definition also gives me ample space to speak up to those I love most. By teaching or speaking or writing or connecting with another human being, I am being successful. I am following my soul and fulfilling its intention through my actions.
Discovering your own definition of success won’t happen all at once—far from it. It’s a long journey of self-discovery, but bit by bit, you will uncover what success means to you and your true direction in life.
2. Recognize Your Excuses
When we have a fear of success, excuses flow out of our mouths faster than we can catch them. Instead of focusing our efforts on reaching our goals, we spend our time making excuses. We must make a conscious effort to notice them, own them, and then shift them.
I can’t do that because…
That won’t work for me because…
I won’t be able to because…
When I was much younger, I always dreamed of becoming a singer. But this dream got pushed aside because I continually got wrapped up in excuses.
My fears made me believe I couldn’t become a singer for… oh so many reasons! But it wasn’t that I didn’t think I could do it. Instead, I made up silly excuses about what the journey would look like. I made myself believe that if I was to become a singer, I would have to work in bars, which would mean late hours and being out late at night. If I was a singer, I would be around people who were drinking and smoking, and what if I started drinking and smoking? If I became a singer, I might go down a path of an unhealthy lifestyle. ALL EXCUSES! (And guess what? After making that choice, I became a cocktail waitress for YEARS—surrounded by drinking, smoking, and late nights. 🙃)
But one of the many problems with excuses is they take away the courage you have to live your destiny.
We run in the opposite direction of any path to success because our excuses cloud our vision of the future. Excuses are fear talking, and until you invest time in yourself and take a deep look inside yourself, you will never recognize those fears (including a fear of success!) that are holding your back.
3. Focus on Movement, Not Results
Success isn’t black and white. It doesn’t need to be a win or lose scenario. At Fearless Living, we focus on forward movement instead of results.
We get stuck when we only focus on the results. It’s the forward movement and the forward momentum we build that actually matters.
Let’s go back to that writer who wants to publish a book and become a bestselling author—that writer who imagines it will all work out perfectly. They get so stuck focusing on those high-achieving results that it prevents them from doing any actual writing. They become frozen and unsure.
Fantasizing about the future ignites our fear. We don’t trust the person we are right now—we don’t trust the possibility of our own success or that we’ll be able to keep the success once we get it. Then comes the excuses and the self-doubt: “But I’ve never even written a book or been interviewed or signed an autograph before. They will know I’m a fraud. I won’t be able to keep it up.” And then come the self-sabotaging behaviors: “It has to be perfect or it won’t mean anything, so why start?” And when all of those elements come together, it makes us avoid success entirely.
When your outlook shifts from only focusing on the results, you’re able to see what truly matters: PROGRESS! It’s showing up for yourself every day. It’s continuing to listen to yourself and continuing to seek to understand exactly what it is you want from life. What makes YOU aligned with your soul’s calling?
And this is only the very beginning! There is so much more to learn about your own fears. Whether you fear failure, rejection, change, intimacy, or success, the Fearless Living community will be with you every step of the way!
Cracking Your Fear of Success With Fearless Living
Cracking the code to your fear of success is just one of the journeys you can take with the community at Fearless Living. A Fearless You membership gets you access to the entire How to Overcome Fear series, which also includes Fear of Not Being Good Enough, Fear of Intimacy, Fear of Change, among so many more.
The How to Overcome Fear Series is always available to all members of Fearless You. In addition to this series, you’ll gain access to dozens of other courses, lessons, and live sessions, all designed to help you live the life your soul intended.™
Learn more about Fearless You and continue following the Fearless Living blog for free weekly content on everything from how to start over to finding and following your soul purpose.
Welcome back to Fearless Living! In my How to Overcome Fear series, I’m covering each of the 10 most common emotional fears, and today’s topic is a big one—fear of failure. 😱
Fear of failure is one of the most common fears people experience, and it’s one that may be keeping you from believing you’re capable of achieving success at all.
The good news is you are absolutely not alone. We all fear failing. Even though it may feel like it, failure is not unique to you. WE ALL FAIL. But just because we all do it, it doesn’t mean we enjoy it.
I have failed too many times to count.
I have failed at trying to give up sugar.
I have failed in my marriage.
I have failed filling classes.
I have failed at healing my hip. (Long story for another day!)
I have failed to keep my morning routine.
I have failed to turn off my phone at 2 am.
The list goes on. I have had an enormous amount of failure in my life. But that failure in itself is not bad. In fact, when you understand how to crack the code to that fear, failure can lead you to magical places. The good news is your fear of failure is curable, and once you find that cure, failure will become a valuable gift that propels you on to success.
Let’s first take it back to basics and discuss what emotional fears are. Next, I’ll break down what causes fear and what symptoms to watch out for. And finally, I’ll end with actionable strategies you can use to turn your fear of failure into the gift of failure. 🎁
A Fearless Living Introduction: Overcoming Fear
Fear comes in all shapes and sizes. When many of us think about fear, we think about the more tangible fears that we can feel and see, such as a fear of spiders or a fear of snakes. Yikes! 😬🕷🐍
Or maybe when you think about fear, you think about your extreme fear of heights, public speaking, or your irrational and persistent fear of clowns.
While these fears are very real, these aren’t the types of fears we focus on at Fearless Living. At Fearless Living, we focus on emotional fears. These are the persistent fears that cut to the heart of our humanity and our mental health. These emotional fears cause us to make decisions, consciously or unconsciously, that lead us further away from our goals, dreams, desires, and living the life our soul intended.™
The 10 most common emotional fears are:
- Fear of Failure
- Fear of Success
- Fear of Intimacy
- Fear of the Unknown
- Fear of Loneliness
- Fear of Not Being Good Enough
- Fear of Loss
- Fear of Change
- Fear of Being Judged
- Fear of Rejection
We’ll keep working through all of these common fears in more detail on the Fearless Living blog. For a general overview of each type of fear, the difference between common phobias and irrational fears vs. emotional fears, and how to overcome fear, read: 10 Common Types of Fear and How to Overcome Them.
What Causes a Fear of Failure?
The cause of our fears is different for everyone, yet for each of us, it’s rooted in our past experiences, who we were raised by, and even our DNA. There’s far too much for me to cover about the root cause of fears here, but you can learn more in my article: What Causes Fear and How Do We Respond to It?
For now, we’ll take a closer look at why fear of failure is so common and the symptoms that may indicate a fear of failure.
Let’s start with a big question:
Are you more driven to AVOID failure than you are DRIVEN to succeed?
Do you look at the world through the lens of avoiding failure? If you are driven toward avoiding failure, that lens is always the filter in which you look through; it’s constantly preventing you from seeing clearly. Instead, it interprets everything based on the question: “will you fail or succeed” if you do a, b, or c? If your lens convinces you that you may fail, even a little, it will tell you it’s not a good idea to move forward, giving you really good “reasons” to say no to the opportunity before you.
That lens of failure will stop you from moving forward and living the life your soul intended™. And it will also be really good at convincing you that you “shouldn’t” take that risk for very good reasons.
Let’s be clear—your fear of failure is unconscious. You’re not weak, lazy, etc., if you experience this fear. It’s unconscious.
So, are you unconsciously sabotaging your success?
Your fear of failure may show up as aggression towards anything you believe is stopping you from succeeding. It may show up as avoiding anything that even whiffs of mediocre success. We all process fear differently. But there are many symptoms of a fear of failure that may indicate whether or not your fear is holding you back.
- Are you reluctant to try new things?
- If something doesn’t work out, do you make it a character flaw?
- Do you experience excessive anxiety and feel like your life is out of your control?
- Do you engage in negative self-talk and use phrases like “I’ll never be able to…”?
- Do you label yourself “not good enough?”
- Is perfectionism your go-to excuse?
- After a single failure, do you believe that you will never succeed?
- Are you ruled by perceived past failures?
- Do you worry about what other people think of you?
- Do you only think about negative consequences or the worst case scenario?
- Do you believe that your success and accomplishments determine your value?
- Do you experience physical symptoms at the idea of failure, such as headaches, muscle pain, or stomach aches?
- Do you tell other people you probably won’t succeed to lower their expectations of your own abilities?
Have you ever felt this way? Do any of these symptoms resonate for you? They do for me!
In my How to Overcome Fear Series, that’s available inside Fearless You, I dig deeper into a list of 16 different symptoms of a fear of failure. As a reminder, this article only scratches the surface of tackling and finally curing yourself of a fear of failure. Start here, but then I encourage you to dig deeper, continue learning, and continue making progress toward living the life your soul intended™.
Fear of failure harbors a fantasy that there is a formula to success, and you’re just waiting for it to be revealed. It comes with the idea that we must wait before we act because there’s a secret that will come to us when we are more prepared… more skilled… more (insert any excuse here).
Fear of failure takes control when you allow that fear to stop you from doing the things that could move you forward to achieve your dreams, desires, and intentions.
Everyone has a different definition of failure. That’s because we all come from different backgrounds and have been shaped by different experiences. What looks like failure to one person may not to another.
Someone might look at third place as a complete failure, while someone else may be completely ecstatic with finally placing within the top three. One person’s idea of failure might be someone else’s learning opportunity.
And what is true, no matter what, is that failure is necessary. There are things you can only learn or gain from the experience of failure.
All of the great successes I’ve had were preceded by failure. My failure was a doorway to opportunity, and I wouldn’t be where I am today without those beautiful gifts of failure.
Think about it. You might need to write three unsuccessful books before honing your writing skills enough to finally come up with your masterpiece. You might need to lose your current job to finally have the courage to look for a new one that actually aligns with your goals and lifestyle.
When you were a child, you only learned how to walk properly and protect your body by falling down first. Failure is a form of practice. We learn from falling down, and that is when failure becomes a gift.
For me, failure gave me humility, empathy, and courage to be able to ask for help. The true power of failure is that it can show you how resilient you are, who your friends really are, provide a new perspective, and pave the way for unprecedented success.
So, now that you know the power of failure, how do you flip the switch? How do you turn your fear of failure into seeing it for what it really is—a learning opportunity?
Are you willing to shift your view of failure? Let’s find out how.
How Do I Stop Being Afraid of Failure?
Are you more interested in avoiding failure than you are in succeeding? It is possible to actually ENJOY failure rather than feel humiliated by it. Fear of failure is absolutely curable. And once you find that cure, you can begin enjoying failure and seeing it for the gift it really is.
Allow Yourself to Be Vulnerable
The first step is admitting to yourself that you are afraid of failure. When you admit you are afraid, you quit hiding how you feel and what you think, which immediately increases your self-esteem and confidence.
Telling the truth is a powerful serum. It may sound counterintuitive, but admitting your fears and speaking them out loud is the first step in understanding and moving beyond your fears. Allow yourself to be vulnerable.
In fact, vulnerability in the face of any fear is quite powerful. Far too many of us grew up surrounded by people who were afraid to be vulnerable. We were taught at a young age that vulnerability is something bad or weak—when that couldn’t be further from the truth.
Being vulnerable, especially in the face of your fears, shows extreme fearlessness (even if you’re shaking in your boots.) Try being vulnerable around someone else (someone you trust!) by admitting and vocalizing your current fears.
Learn more in my article: How To Be Vulnerable (Even When You’re Afraid).
Reframe Your Definition of Failure
Reframe your definition of failure in your own words. This puts you in charge and begins to shift your neural pathways.
The first shift in your definition might be that failure is “not trying.” Not trying means you’re not going for it and not taking a step out of your comfort zone—not trying is your new definition of failure. Another word you could use to replace the fear of failure is “practice.” Practice always works for me. As long as I’m practicing, perfectionism and procrastination do not have a hold on me.
Now, let’s talk truth about vulnerability. Refusing to fail is refusing to be vulnerable, and that means you’re refusing to open yourself up to the unknown. Your fear of failure will own you; it keeps you stuck when you refuse to speak about failure. It will continue to rule you if you refuse to focus on “practicing” or “trying.” It will keep your focus on the “If I don’t win, I don’t want to play” attitude.
Change your definition of success, too. Success is “trying” and “practicing” even though you know you might not succeed. This is where true opportunity lies. These are the moments others admire you. This is where you gain self-respect and confidence. This is when your life opens up to magic and miracles. When you “try” and “practice,” you are literally walking on the yellow brick road leading to the Emerald City.
True success is being open about your fears and speaking them out loud. You determine the narrative. What’s really cool is you have all the power to determine what you see as a failure and as a success. It’s all in your hands.
My definition of success is “full self-expression.” My intention is to be authentically myself; therefore, I must be willing to practice expressing myself even if I sometimes appear to fail miserably.
I care more about “full self-expression” than how I look, how I sound, what I say, and the results I achieve or don’t achieve. When you have a definition of success that transcends circumstances, it allows you to transcend your fear of failure too.
Move Past Extremes: Did It or Didn’t
Failure isn’t black and white. Stop looking at failure from the view of “I did” or “I didn’t.” Moving beyond failure isn’t about extremes. Remember: it’s about practice.
Instead of “I don’t want to fail at getting a promotion,” which is a black and white goal, ensure your intentions are ones you can consciously practice. Instead, you might say, “I am practicing being authentic in all my relationships.” This is an intention you are able to practice on a daily basis. It moves you away from the extremes. Your outlook is no longer pass or fail or winner or loser—it’s about practice and progress.
Get conscious about where and how you want to practice your intentions and goals. This will shift your focus to who you are as a person, not the black and white results, such as “Got a book deal” vs. “Didn’t get a book deal.” There are so many ways you can publish a book! Or maybe you didn’t get the book deal, but you made a strong connection at a publishing company, met an amazing agent, or learned all of the steps you need to be more effective next time around.
It’s not all or nothing. It’s not black and white. It’s about moving forward. PRACTICE MAKES PROGRESS!
Focus on the Positives: What DID You Do?
Reframe your actions and thoughts to acknowledge any movement forward. Turn your negative thoughts around by focusing on what you did do, not what you didn’t. In Fearless Living, we call this practice acknowledgments. Acknowledgments are all about you and your movement forward, no matter how small.
Instead of “I didn’t get my book finished this week,” reframe that into, “I wrote a whole chapter of my book this week,” or, “I did research on self-publishing for 30 minutes today. Yay Me!” Or “I did the best I could and showed up for myself this week.”
This positive thinking reframing model will shift your negative self-talk almost immediately and will go a long way toward moving you beyond the black and white, helping you see all that you have accomplished. If you are making progress and moving forward, you are succeeding. If you are showing up for yourself, and if you are willing, you are succeeding. Empowering words will give you more confidence, control, and clarity.
Get Real and Work Through Possible Outcomes
Instead of seeing the future as a wide and scary unknown, help yourself understand the real, tangible outcomes. What might happen? What are the risk factors? What’s the worst case scenario? What’s your contingency plan for that worst case scenario?
Say you don’t get that promotion you’re aiming for. What are the real consequences of that? Are there any? If you don’t get the promotion, you’re not all of a sudden a failure. What will actually change? Would your kids love you any less? Will your partner think you are not as talented? Will the people at work look at you differently?
What if you don’t win the 5K race for your age group or don’t have as many people as you expected show up for your 40th birthday? Or maybe your last work assignment was only 95% perfect instead of 100% perfect.
If you really think about it, there are probably WAY fewer consequences than you imagined originally. And if the worst should happen, how will you deal with that? What will be your next steps? What’s your contingency plan? When you separate your success from your character, life gets a whole lot easier and the world becomes a whole lot friendlier.
By analyzing potential outcomes and being willing to see the good, the bad, and the ugly, you become a possibility thinker. People will want to hangout with you because you’re inspiring and growth-oriented. Therefore, your opportunities naturally increase and more doors open for you with less effort on your part.
Cracking Your Fear of Failure With Fearless Living
Thank you for taking the time to get this far, and thank you for being willing to begin your Fearless Journey. On my final note, I want to remind you that a fear of failure is natural. You feel this strong fear because you have such a strong sense and desire to succeed. You’re afraid of failure because you want something so badly.
And we all have a need to belong and be valuable to the tribe—it’s literally in our DNA. It’s how we survived in the wilderness when there were sabertooth tigers. This is the other reason a fear of failure is wired into our brains; we’re afraid we’ll be kicked out of the tribe. But just because it’s wired, it doesn’t mean we can’t change the wiring.
Failure is a guarantee on your journey. You will fail along the way, but that failure is fertilizer for your success. Yes, failure can stink and hurt and be a huge embarrassment, but it’s what helps you grow and learn. Failure will also bring you closer to other people. They will admire your courage and be inspired by your willingness to move forward even if the odds are against you.
Because you don’t connect with others through perfectionism—you connect with people through shared flaws, imperfections, and failures. Think about any underdog story. Isn’t that who you cheer for? Isn’t the underdog who you relate to? Isn’t that the kind of story that draws you in?
Be willing to see the true power of failure.
Use failure to help you grow.
Use failure to refine yourself.
Use failure to become closer to other people.
Use failure as a gift to help you succeed.
Cracking the code to your fear of failure is just one of the journeys you can take with the community at Fearless Living. In my How to Overcome Fear Series, that’s available inside Fearless You, along with dozens of other courses, you’ll learn how to release your fear of failure in 9 actionable steps.
A Fearless You membership gets you access to the entire How to Overcome Fear series, which includes Fear of Change, Fear of Rejection, and Fear of Not Being Good Enough, among others. You’ll also gain access to weekly teachings and a back catalog of courses that will guide you to finally begin living the life your soul intended.™
Learn more about Fearless You, and continue following the Fearless Living blog for free weekly content on everything from how to set clear boundaries to how to start over.
What do you really want to say… but you’re not?
What does happiness sound like in your own voice? Do you know?
Do you feel powerful using your own words?
What rules do you have for speaking up or staying silent?
We all have them. Rules. Those rules will usually stop us more often than inspire us. That’s what rules are meant to do: Give us structure and a sense of safety, but sadly, it also means we are usually quiet when we are dying to speak up.
It’s so important to have your voice heard! You never know who is listening and what kind of impact you could make by sharing your story or simply expressing how you feel. Speak up, speak out, and let your voice be heard! Your voice matters!
Fearless Living Training Program: The Voice of Freedom
Do you not have the confidence and willpower to speak up and live the life that you want? Believe it or not, you have the power to change your life even in these challenging times.
So if you’re done staying quiet and want to start feeling fulfilled with your life, discover how you can finally break free through our Fearless Living Training Program.
Not only will you feel safe in our training program…you will be healed and heard and loved and seen and KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
I promise we will have your heart pounding (in a good way) as your voice gets stronger and clearer and more YOU!
So….when are you going to quit hiding that light of yours? It’s time to shine, my fearless friend. You are here to get fearless right? Then, come on. It’s time…
It’s time to OWN your true voice and leave the critical one behind. But I can’t make you, and I won’t beg you, you gotta decide that no matter how scary this may seem, you are worth the time, money, and love. Yes, love.
Attending the Fearless Living Training Program is an act of self-love, a bold, fearless act. So grab your seat already. There’s no time to lose. Seating is limited because we are creating a sacred space for you.
WARNING: This event will not happen again. It is not on my teaching calendar for 2018 so it’s now or never. Don’t wait one more minute. Seriously. I want to hear your voice…loud and clear. Don’t you? Click here to grab your seat.
SAVE $100 bucks! EARLY BIRD ends MONDAY, May 1st. Plus, check out our FOUR Bonuses!
And don’t forget to get your Hotel Room discount! All the info you need will be in your WELCOME email once you reserve your seat.
Heads up: Our HOTEL ROOM DISCOUNT ends this FRIDAY, April 29th so reserve your seat now.
Do this. For your future. For your VOICE!
Do you want to know the real reason you were born?
The reason that will make your life “make sense” and give you so much joy and peace that you will feel like you can do anything.
No more doubting or worrying about the future. No more confusion about the direction you should take in your life. No more stuck in a transition or a rut…
When you know why you were born, decisions are a whole lot easier because you have clarity that may have been missing for a long time. It’s almost like the penny drops, and everything just clicks into place.
In fact, you may already know your ultimate purpose, but maybe you can’t quite believe you could do something so amazing. Or maybe you doubt you can make money at it. Or your family thinks it’s crazy. Or maybe you are wishing and hoping that this thing you love is your purpose, but you’re just not sure.
Here’s My Story
It was 1994, and I was running a little public relations company for small businesses. One of my clients was a man named Paul. He was a coach, a consultant, and a genius.
I had quit acting just a few years before (I had thought that was my purpose, but more about purpose a little later) and was now helping Paul expand his business, from working one-on-one with clients to having workshops, speaking events, and books.
(Yes, I have been teaching human beings how to multiply themselves for two decades.)
It started happening during my first month of working with him. He would just casually look over at me and say, “You’re gonna be a better coach than me.”
I would roll my eyes and laugh him off.
“Me? A coach. NO WAY. Listen to other people’s problems all day? I have enough of my own. I couldn’t do that. NO WAY!”
And this became our banter. He told me I am going to be a great coach and
me looking at him like he was crazy.
(By the way, when I was working with Paul way back then, there were less than a handful of coaches in the entire world. Talk about him, and I am starting an entire industry!)
See, I didn’t think being a Coach was in my future or part of my purpose and why I was born. I didn’t think I could be a Coach.
I mean, who was I to help people when my life wasn’t all together yet? I didn’t think I was smart enough, educated enough, loving enough . . .
I had so many reasons why it was not right, how I wasn’t good enough, why it couldn’t work even though there was somebody who I respected who said to me: YOU ARE A GREAT COACH…I didn’t believe it.
(And let’s not forget there were so few Coaches. How are you supposed to make money in an industry that doesn’t exist yet?)
That’s how fear stopped me from seeing my real purpose.
How to Find Purpose in the Face of Fear
Fear points out all the reasons why you can’t have your purpose. How you don’t deserve your purpose. How is your purpose not the right one? How it won’t support you. And so on…
I didn’t think I was ready. I didn’t think I was good enough. I didn’t think I could make money.
Oh, fear is such a trickster.
It took me several more months and a HUGE MOMENT to make me wake up to my true purpose, my real reason for being alive.
And no, it isn’t being a life coach. Not directly anyway.
Life Coaching is definitely how I DO my purpose, but it isn’t the purpose itself.
My purpose is to bridge the gap between human reality and spiritual truth. It’s to be a way-shower, a guide for people, just like you, who are traversing life’s challenges and aren’t sure what to do next…aren’t even sure who they are sometimes, but they want to become who they were born to be.
My purpose shows up in the world as Fearless Living. But it could have been called Twinkle Toes, for all that matters.
As a human being, my purpose is intrinsic to everything I do. It is the foundation of who I am. It is what gives me direction, focus, motivation, and ease. Yes, ease.
Worry just melts away when you know what you’re supposed to be doing with your life and DOING IT! So many doubts, too, just dropped off.
Finding my purpose was so FREEING!
And that’s only my HUMAN PURPOSE. My soul’s purpose is even deeper than that. Yep, you have two sides of the same purpose, so to speak.
I discovered my purpose first and then created Fearless Living (that’s another story.)
Everybody focuses on the wrong things: You might think you have to find the perfect name for your business to have it be successful, or you have to find the perfect relationship before you can really focus on what you want to do with your life. Or, you might think you have to make money first, then you can have your purpose…that’s just all plain wrong.
In human life, purpose comes first. Then everything else falls into place.
PURPOSE is not FRIVOLOUS. It is NECESSARY.
Take note: When I started my coaching practice (remember, there were only a few coaches, so no one knew what the heck I did), I went from no clients to 20 clients within weeks.
Why? Because I knew my purpose, and that helped me SPEAK about who I was, what I did, and what I could do for you. There were no classes on marketing your coaching practice or workshops on getting clients on YouTube, Facebook, or even email, for that matter. Most people weren’t using it yet.
(Yes, that’s how long I have been changing people’s lives…when I say I have worked with thousands and thousands of people, that’s an understatement.)
If you feel like your purpose is to serve others and have considered being a life coach, please watch this video. Let’s see if coaching is right for you too.
Have you ever found yourself afraid to make a decision? Unsure you were making the RIGHT decision?
I know I wanted to make the RIGHT decision because I secretly believed that it would guarantee I would be successful and happy and my dream life would come true.
If I made the wrong decision, well, all hell would break loose. The wrong choice would negatively affect my mental health. Money would be wasted. Time would disappear. And I would be left with a life that I didn’t love and may end up constantly seeking advice.
Every decision became SUPER IMPORTANT. Everyone felt VITAL to my happiness.
The problem was my head would tell me one thing while my heart would tell me another.
Why do my heart and head seem to be arguing non-stop? Why can’t I just trust myself? That was my intuition, wasn’t it? Follow it, I would scream.
For me, the hardest decisions were about love.
Is he really a jerk, or am I just too demanding? He has made some really good points. Perhaps I should try to be softer and more understanding. Hadn’t I always been told I was “too much?” And now, wasn’t he just responding the same way everyone else did? It must be me!
And on it went. But that doubt didn’t stop at love. It would rear its head whenever I needed to make a BIG DECISION about my business goals, too.
Is it the right time to hire a second team member, or am I getting ahead of myself? What if I hire someone and I don’t have the money to pay them?
There was always this back and forth, back and forth…and time was just ticking by. Or should I say, slipping by.
Then I would start to beat myself up.
What is wrong with you? You KNOW what you should do, but why aren’t you doing it?
The need to make the right decision was killing my self-confidence and drowning out my drive. I felt stagnant. Lost. And just wished I knew the RIGHT answer.
Being right feels so good, doesn’t it? When I know I am right, I act quicker and more determined. Don’t you?
The problem is: what is the sure-fire “right” thing to do? One answer might be “right” in one circumstance, and not so “right” in another.
Which is what kept me guessing.
Wanting to be right is a signal that you’re not trusting yourself to make the right decision.
Do you ever experience this? Do you find yourself stuck in no-man’s land, doubting your own decisions going around and around and around?
Do you find yourself waiting for a SIGN to give you the courage to act?
Would you like to stop chasing your tail and finally TRUST YOURSELF so you could make the decisions that are right FOR YOU?
When I trust myself, decision-making becomes easy, almost effortless. I trust my inner voice over other people’s opinions. I don’t go back and forth deciding and re-deciding. I don’t waste time wondering about every consequence of every step.
When I trust myself, I act. With clarity. And confidence. And I have a ton more courage TO act.
Life just gets a whole lot easier.
If you’re like me, trusting yourself to make the right decision is the difference between having a good day and a bad day. About being secure in your skin versus feeling like your skin is crawling. About following the true me versus getting caught up in the RIGHT thing to do.
Let me say it again, wanting to be right is a signal that you’re not trusting yourself. Not taking action that is aligned with your Fearless Voice is a sign of self-doubt.
That’s right: Your true inner voice. The true you. The real Fearless You underneath all those decades of bad decisions, people-pleasing, second-guessing, and wishing things were different.
When my voice is clear and strong, self-criticism and doubt evaporate, and I am super clear about what’s the right decision FOR ME. I know what to do, and I know my self-worth.
I’m not afraid to put up boundaries, say no, say yes, claim my niche, own my story, follow my heart…I can do all that and more because I trust myself.
Self-trust, self-confidence, and self-love were the keys to creating Fearless Living, staying sane while I was going through the dark night, and changing lives in 600 episodes of television. TV will not wait for you to get clear, you must BE CLEAR, and that can only come when you trust yourself and let go of negative thoughts.
And when I trust myself, I know who to trust and who not to trust.
This is why I’m teaching – for the first time (and maybe the last time) – Fearless You: The Voice of Freedom in Washington DC. Yes, it might be a plane ride. Yes, you’re gonna take two days out of your life and spend them with me. And yes, it’s still EARLY BIRD! (Save $100 bucks!)
Claim your Fearless Voice Now
Do you want to have more courage to speak up and say what’s true for you?
How about sharing feelings, and making requests, and just admitting what you want?
Is there a message inside of you dying to get out?
Do you wish you could trust yourself more and take decisive action?
If the answer is yes, then come and learn all I know about how to claim your Fearless Voice. You do have one in there somewhere. Let’s find it together and unleash its power in a safe and loving place so you can overcome whatever life throws at you.
Let me know if you want to join me. I’m ready to share all I know…
Until next time, Be Fearless,
p.s. By the way, decisions are one hundred percent easier now. My heart and head are aligned with my body and spirit. You, too, will be aligned when you join me for Fearless You: The Voice of Freedom.